Graphic Geek Humor...

Happy Thanksgiving

Movie Review - Breaking Dawn Pt 1

The short version..... if you are a fan of the books you will like the movie. If you aren't.... don't bother, unless you are in the mood for a bit of a laugh.

There are plenty of reviews for this film out there, but I thought I would throw my impressions out there anyway.

First off.... what the crap.... WE NEEDED MORE JASPER!

Okay, whew..... got THAT off my chest.....

Those of us who slogged through the "romance of the century" already know how completely corny and unlikely the majority of this book is.... from the stilted dialogue to the are-you-kidding twists and turns the plotline expects you to swallow. That said, there are plenty of so-called Twihards out there that just eat this stuff up with a spoon and will suspend reality for the course of two hours and come out swooning.

I did not swoon.....

The movie kicks right off with Jacob running out his front door, ripping his shirt off (to the squeals of audience goers) and turning to his normal "I'm-avoiding-complication-and-running-away" wolf state. He then takes off for a bit of the film.

We then zip over to last-minute wedding arrangements and then TA-DA the wedding to beat all weddings.... except that somehow Bella's wedding seems a little.... lacking. There are stupid jokes, a cameo of author Stephanie Meyer, and then this wedding dress that has been under wraps since forever is finally revealed to look like a shapeless potato sack with a see-through (and very tacky) back. Editing is very poorly done as we wind up watching a close-up of Bella's hairclip walk down the aisle and then we slowly slide down the too-much-skin-showing-for-a-wedding dress.... I was sitting in the audience with a serious "what the crap" look on my face for this one.... oh, and some wisecracks about how Edward and Bella are finally going to "get some" that were not necessary (the book has a lot more of these comments in the "second half", so I am sure those will manage to find their way into the final film... oh joy!)

Flash ahead to the honeymoon (more bad edits.... Bella apparently didn't sleep on the airplane judging by the fact that a flight from Seattle to Rio doesn't muss up her hair or wrinkle her dress, and yet she's wide awake and ready to go dancing?) We zip to the honeymoon spot, more bad dialogue before we get to watch our lovers walk into the surf for some cheesy "gaze at the moon" moments (again, bit of skin showing here, but its interesting to note how in some shots they appear to be chest deep in water and then suddenly seem to be waist deep without moving! Hmm, maybe they are working around showing too much skin?)

We are stuck with yet more bad edits (the sad story of this film) as Bella and Edward finally consummate their relationship.... with a fade out to keep everything at a safe PG-13 (originally this had an R rating). You pretty much saw it all already in the movie trailer, so that should give you a clue as to what you are in for. When that scene was over I was relieved to be able to let the teen with me uncover her eyes to enjoy the rest of the movie.... only to come to the next morning where Bella daydreams about the night before and hey, we're back in the sex scene! Oh brother....

After that everyone pretty much keeps their clothes on.

Bella discovers that after one night of sex that Edward, super vampire, has impregnated her.... though the scene had me chuckling as she stares at her belly in horror, checking herself out from the side with lines like "that's impossible" and clutching her FREAKING FLAT TUMMY! If that girl's stomach is supposed to be distended its by a millimeter at most....

...long story shorter.... they fly home, being typical Bella she defies everyone's counsel and decides to be noble and sacrifice her life for that of her unborn child (though she actually comes off as whiny... no big shocker there). Plenty more cheesy dialogue, bad bad bad use of CGI with the wolfpack scenes (not that the wolves look bad, but its glaringly distracting from the rest of the film's lack of CGI that it stands out like a sore thumb).

Bella magically (against all odds) ends up surviving (I won't spoil how for those who haven't read the book) but its so far-fetched in the book that the movie made this scene seem fairly laughable. The movie ends with the birth of the child (its a girl) and the discovery that Bella isn't dead but will now (in the next film) be starting her life as a vampire.... forever whiny.... man, I don't envy Edward being stuck with that! I am amazed though that vampire venom can take an emaciated skeleton and magically plump out boobs and put some meat back on those bones... all without draining someone first! Its like watching some Extreme Makeover show.... vampire edition.

The movie, as I said, is poorly edited.... you have several false endings that catch you off guard. You're thinking "okay, here is where they are cutting the movie off until next year's finale" only to find there is still another five to ten minutes to go. There is also a small scene with the Volturi as you get into the credits, so if you've made it that far you may as well stick around through the first of the credits for the scene.

All-in-all.... good for laughs, but this movie isn't really something that you can take seriously.... at least "Eclipse" had enough of a storyline to keep you watching. I will, however, give it a B for a decent adaptation of what was already a fairly laughable book. Will I buy it when it comes out on video? Not sure.... probably, in order to have the "complete collection" and I will certainly give the finale a shot.... but I don't expect to be getting it out much for all-day Twilight movie marathons or anything.

And if anyone from Summit Entertainment happens to read this.... I meant it... MORE JASPER!

I am being forced into this....

...I have absolutely no choice and was coerced into the situation by the pleadings of one absolutely adorable teenage "niece" that I love .... and my husband is wiping his brow in relief as he is now off the hook to do this with me....

What is it, you ask?

Well, tomorrow morning (11:30 am) I will be facing the hordes of teenage hormones with eleventy-billion girls at the mall as we cram into a sold-out theater to see "Breaking Dawn: Pt 1". I am responsible to cover the eyes and ears of said teenager if the honeymoon smexy bits prove to be too smexy for younger sensibilities. A task I shall endeavor to fulfill to my friend's high moral compass... just one of the many little sacrifices one must be willing to make for the ones they love....

Its probably a good thing Richard will not be coming on this little excursion.... he's already been given fair warning that I will invariably be drooling over one of his fellow Texans.... and I am sure he's not ready to see just how much I wasn't kidding about that!

Am I not allowed one teensy little weakness? In my defense, I loved Jasper's character in the books long before I saw Jackson Rathbone in character!

...and I am adamant that my little step into appreciating some eye candy is going to be nowhere near the screaming/melting/swooning fanaticism that I will be wading through in the mall tomorrow....

sigh...

...oh the things I am forced to endure!

The ever-changing job market....

Okay, my job duties have expanded so now I will be tweeting and doing FB "updates" for the company accounts...

... so I will be paid to hang out on public forums.....

...hmmmmmmmm....

Anyway, I was doing my first work "tweet" and saw this little gem in our stream.... and it had me laughing. No offense to gals who can't (or choose not to because they have oodles of cash to burn) cook:

TheFunnySexist The Funny Sexist™

Women Who Dont Cook aren't really women. If God didn't want women to cook, he wouldn't have filled their body with milk and eggs.

I must be bored...

...because I found this incredibly funny....

...is that sick or what?

Quote of the week....

Small Business Saturday

Okay, I know that American Express is probably banking on the fact that people will use their AMEX cards and therefore earn them more money (why else would they endorse it so much!), but I do believe in the idea behind this....

For those who don't have televisions or have listened to their radios, Saturday, Nov 26th (the day after Black Friday) is the 2nd Annual "Small Business Saturday". The idea is to stimulate the economy by shopping (even if its just one purchase) at a local small business. Instead of going out that weekend (as many people do) for just the Super Box Store blitz items, take a moment to stop in at a much quieter, less frenzied kind of shop and see what they have..... (I personally will stop at my favorite shop here in Utah, Planted Earth, an antique and kitschy stuff kind of place that I absolutely adore)

You can find more information on the website As the site says.... when we all shop small, it will be huge......

Another Amazing Time Lapse View from Space

Love the Aurora in this one....

..hope you all enjoy!

The things we do to make our men happy...

I am learning to cook a little more spicy.... a little more... Tex-Mex.

Not official Tex-Mex, but with a bit of that Tex-Mex flavor...



I discovered this seasoning at my local Super Target (but I've seen it around in several grocery stores) and Richard loves it.... we grind this stuff onto potatoes and onions as we saute them for breakfast... used it to season taco meat, and it has found its way into a few of my soup recipes and even into my meatloaf!

Actually, I am really getting hooked on it myself... which is really saying something since I am not into super spicy stuff... this is a very nice combination of flavors though that adds a kick to a lot of different dishes.

Guaranteed to make your Texan (or Washington/New York/Utah/Idaho) Man incredibly happy and smacking his lips for more.... in the month or so that we've had it we've used half of that big bottle! (disclaimer: this is NOT a paid advertisement)

As great as it is though I do need to pick up this book


Apparently the Barrios family is verrrrrrry well known around San Antonio (where Richard originally hails from) and it is filled with recipes he loves from the area. Lucky for me, it turns out my local library has a copy, so we will be picking it up tomorrow. The poor guy deserves a bit more of what he knows.... but he certainly seems to love everything I've made him up here so far...

...personally, I've had a hankering for Carne Guisada lately... think I may give this recipe a try....

For anyone who enjoys poetry

Like poetry? If so then here is a blog you may want to check out... it is a one woman challenge to raise money for charity (EEC International)... Jen is a UK poet who is spending this weekend writing 100 poems off the cuff, based on themes that her followers have suggested... at this writing (Sunday morning) she is up to #70 of the 100

Its worth checking out... her works are very lovely.

Here is the first poem she wrote.... just as an enticement to get you over to the blog....

#1

In those days we'd sleepwalk.
It was easier for us to see the city that way.
The daytime gave us kitchen steam,
flour tilting like November snow. At night
we'd trudge through gardens
that our house had never seen.
We would run and cup non-existent light.

Mostly, we dressed up as birds. Mary's favourites
were the leather swans. Black feathers in her bedsheets
and a zip up to her neck. We'd walk
together and in lines -
our wings hooping every lamppost.
In the mornings we'd bathe our swollen feet. Inch
our claws along the frozen tiles -
make-believe that we could fly again.


[tag word: SNOW - from Patricia Campbell]

later note: ooh, she used my suggestion!... and I love it!

#81

She sold herself as an apple peeler. Unwrapped
green dresses in front of libraries. Bobbing.
In the winter months she carved giant squashes
in the middle of the streets. Climbed inside
their trusting mouths, and waved at passersby.


[tag word: PUMPKIN GIRL - @shoezimm]

For the true Star Trek geek.....

Its the Enterprise all right.... scaled to the size of a pizza cutter.

Why this size???? Because it is a pizza cutter!

Richard would totally geek out over this one....and he does have a birthday coming up next month....anyone interested in checking this out can find it here
I also found this bottle opener here

...can anyone tell that I married a Trekkie?

What am I going to see this Christmas season?

Oh yeah.... bring. it. on.

I hadn't heard anything about this one, but it looks really interesting...

Better late than never...

Just found this online and boy does someone have a bit of time on their hands.... bet this would have been fun to visit, but you wouldn't want to live across the street from this one!