Sunday, June 22, 2008

Someone else knows....



That terrible, horrible, evil, nasty, I-got-myself-into-it number. You know the one...that number that makes you shudder and cringe when you step onto your BATHROOM SCALE (cue Psycho theme).

Frankly, I don't have a bathroom scale and it wouldn't be accurate anyway seeing as how I am hefty enough to need an industrial scale to weight myself on (unless I want to keep popping into my doctor's office for daily weigh-ins....NOT). Luckily I have one at work that is willing to slap those numbers into my face anytime I choose to set it on the floor and hop on.

It is not for the faint-of-heart to allow someone else to know that terror-inducing, heart-palpitating, artery-clogging number but I trust the person who knows and we have decided we both need to have a plan. Not sure if they are going with my plan but today this girl has got to get serious about a food diary....I eat better when I know someone else is going to check in on what I have crammed down my gullet.

I need more fruits and veggies and have GOT to start cooking my own meals and packing up leftovers for lunches, etc rather than stop in at my local fast food dives and grabbing something "to go". Soda? Diet or otherwise I am have got to cut back drastically....if I don't watch it I can easily down a 6-pack of pop in an 8-hour period (can anyone say unhealthy???) Start slow by cutting out my sugar intake and introducing real foods to my over-processed diet.

I know I am in no shape for jogging or serious power walks right now but that doesn't mean exercise is out of the question....I just have to find the time and start slow. If I remain serious about it I will reward myself with a larger MP3 player so I can take more tunes along.

I will love and not punish myself. No pictures showing just how huge I am on the fridge (and trust me, I have a few of those unflattering shots that were taken quite recently--the ones that catch you off guard and leave you thinking, "that can't be me, there is no way I see that in the mirror every day!)

I can (on occasion) have a treat. That doesn't mean out comes that delicious carrot cake once a week (because frankly there are much better choices out there with a lot less calories that I would love just as much). I will also admit to realistic goals...I do not need to be a size 6 to be happy, and as long as I am healthy and able to do what I want, who cares what the end number is.

I am not a number.

And last but not least I will not be upset if I do not see overnight success; it took me 38 years to get to this weight and it will not just melt away in a few short months (though I would certainly rejoice at THAT miracle!)

So why do I post this? It is not for people to shake their heads if they see me snarfing something not on the "for your good" list or to make comments about if I really need to eat that item in my hand. Trust me guys, I am fat...odds are I know if something I am eating is not good for me. It is also not so people can come up and pointedly ask "how's that diet thing going?"

So why you ask? Because I want people to know this is something I am serious about.

I have a lifetime of bad habits to overcome and it won't be easy.

It's about time I decide that I am worth doing this for.

3 comments:

Miya said...

I feel the same. I look in the mirror and think, "Well, I look okay" but then when I see photos and realize what my brain is trying to shelter me from, it's terrifying. When I saw our wedding photos I just about shat a brick and thought, "OMG, Roy's marrying a baby orca!"

I really suggest you give CalorieKing another shot. It's really helped me out so far, and it accurately adds up the calories and whatnot and there are even graphs and charts to show your progress. If you give it a chance, you'll see that it's actually really easy to use and a hundred times more awesome than a written daily journal.

Kris said...

You know Danny and I have both been in weight watchers. I have been a member for 5 yrs and Danny for 1. We both lost a lot of weight. It is all in the mind. If your mind is not ready you will not succeed. So when you start to diet, you have to want to do it for you and know that you can. Go online if you don't want to go to meetings, though its nice to have support. I have learned a lot about just eating healthy, portion size, and how to read a label. But like I said its up to you to feel thats the right thing to do. I love you!

shoezimm said...

Miya and Kris,

Thanks to you both....but I think a food diary is the way I am going to go because it is cheap, easily portable and doesn't demand a lot of my time (which is in very short supply right now). I just can't see spending a lot of money on a computer program that (lets be honest) I will never touch, or Weight Watchers (which I would never attend--my schedule is a mess with school and work right now).

I do have a support system that I will be tapping on a regular basis because they are in the same boat that I am (well, its a much smaller boat but we're definately floating in the same harbor!)

Thank you thank you thank you though for loving me the way you both do!