Yup, you read that right. Shaving a cat, and not just any cat, but my formally feral thickly coated Tuxedo sporting boy.
It's all part of the care and maintenance of an old cat, I suppose, as he's nearly 17 and gets not only oily fur but huge mats in his floof. It doesn't matter how much I seem to brush or patiently untangle the tiny mats as they form under his chin or in his feline armpits or in the curly mass of floof on his belly (and why his tummy fur is all curly when the rest of him is straight is a mystery that is beyond me, but there it is). It's the build-up over time that suddenly leads new mats to form practically overnight and decide to become SUPERMAT, like it has gained some maniacal superpower that has absolutely no use at all other than to annoy him and concern me as it leaves one thick clump unbudging from his fur.
I'd bathe him if I thought it would help, but he absolutely hates the water (like many a cat does) and brushing his long fur after using a leave-in shampoo spray for cats just snarls his fur all the faster as it acts like it strips all the conditioning away. He's definitely not silky smooth afterwards, that's for sure, though he does pleasantly smell of daisies.
Maybe it's the shampoo? I've purchased specialty cat shampoo in the past, but maybe I need to stumble across some magical formula created in woodland glens where elven kitties all sport silken coats that are 100% guaranteed to be snarl free? Is there such a magical place?
Probably not.
We started out with just gently cutting the mats free as they form, and allowing his dignity to remain intact by it being just a little bit taken off and easily hidden by the surrounding floofs, but these last couple of years it seems like its harder and harder for my poor boy to keep up with his own cleaning regime. And he does groom himself, but it no longer is enough. So he gets a shave every now and again- on average now about every 6 months. As soon as the old haircut grows back into his long sweeping, sweet smelling typical length I know I am just a few short weeks away from taking it all off again.
Thank goodness I live in an area where it doesn't really get cold, and besides, we have central air here, so there are no huge temperature swings in the house- just a comfortable 76 degrees year round.
So today was Round 1 of the latest buzz trim. Usually it's him lying patiently on me while I get the majority of his fur trimmed and cut out the worst of the mats. Tonight or tomorrow will find me doing a Round 2 which is just cleanup so he doesn't have randome tufts sticking out making it look like he's been chewed up and spat out by the lawnmower. I'd happily get it all done in one sitting, but his patience doesn't last that long, and he tries nipping at the clipper and starts squirming. Honestly, he's so patient about the entire process that I am amazed that this once feral cat sits as long as he does without complaint. He doesn't hiss or bite or claw me, and I don't think it's ever really crossed his mind that he could easily do so.
Oliver is a firm believer in not biting the hand that feeds him.
In fact the shaver was put away less than 15 minutes ago and he's already back, looking for a comfortable place to nap on my chair with me.
At least he's not at the point where I have no choice but to bathe him... though I fear that time is fast approaching. His only baths from me came from when he first accepted my touching him and bringing him into the house. That following morning I took him to be neutered only for him to come home filling my car and the house with the smell of a cat who had seriously soiled himself. And no wonder, poor guy. The vet's office cleaned him as best as they could while he was still unconscious, but after two days of him stinking up the house (the cat carrier was not able to be salvaged and went into the trash) I took him into the bathroom and not only went through a bottle of the roommate's dog shampoo (coconut scented) and a lot of tomato juice (which stained him a very interesting black and salmon color), it was then half of a bottle of my own shampoo that was used.
Understandably, Oliver avoided going anywhere near our bathroom for a couple of years.
My sweet floof of a daughter, Pennie, would go absolutely crazy for her cleanup: mats shaved off and then time for the bath. And she needed them. She had hip displasia and was such a chonk that she couldn't reach far enough to get her back or hindquarters well, so enevitably out came the pet shampoo and a bunch of towels and my husband would patiently carry her into the bathroom and firmly shut the doow behind them. As soon as she would hit the water our normally placid princess would let out such howls and cries that I am convinced were full of foul words and threats to dismember every one of us. She was so loud that there is no way the neighbors could not hear her cries, and her brothers would gather outside of the bathroom door to be sure not to miss a single word of it. I am pretty sure her language behind closed doors would have made even a sailor blush.
Out she'd come, all sweet smelling and clean, fur smooshed down like a drowned rat, and furiously stalk off in that stilted walk of hers, to go sit somewhere out of reach and groom what she could reach while it dried. Shortly afterwards she'd announce all was forgiven, hop onto her favorite chair and allow the rest of her to be brushed out before taking a much needed nap. My husband's exit from the bathroom was considerably worse for wear as both he and the bathroom were soaked from the war he had just, well, I wouldn't say won, but maybe a draw- both sides considerably battered.
Poor things.
Samson, thankfully, has never needed a bath or a trim and he's all the better for it, lucky little shorthair. He'd be the one to seriously bite if we even thought of trying.
Sadly, my sweet little girl passed away a year and a half ago, so there are no more baths for her, no more days of difficult walking or pain, and I am grateful for every memory I have of her, even the screaming fits. I'd known my Penelope by sight since she was two days old, as my roommate took pity on her stray mother and allowed mother and kittens a spot in our basement. Pennie's health issues started way back then, some 14 years ago when we had to take her to the vet for an infection on one of her paws thanks to momma not grooming her fully and some birth matter drying into a tightly constricted ring. So here she was, a 2-day old kitten that had to be dosed numerous times a day with an oral antibiotic and not happy at all with the ordeal. I fell in love with her right then and there and even though we eventually gave the other kittens away, Pennie stayed.
I've only ever gotten a cat from the pet store once, nearly 35 years ago... growing up and even now, the cats that come to claim me as their own are all strays or (in Pennie's case) the kitten of a stray. Come to think about it, Cotton wasn't yet claimed by my roommate when she popped out kittens in our front yard... though Annie had named her by then, she was still a stray, so Pennie would automatically have been labelled a stray until we brought them all in a day later, but that's a bigger digress than needed... right?
So what does any of these ramblings have to do with anything? Nothing really. It's just the moment I am in right now.
Remembering my cats in both their good moments and bad.
Nothing earth-shattering or profound from me. Just a few moments of quiet contemplation while Sam snoozes on my lap, next to the keyboard as I type this, and a haphazardly cut Oliver now off in search of a pet or two from my husband, who isn't quite as distracted.
It's only when I look back at how many sweet animals have filled my heart and my life that I recognize how old I actually am. I'd have to be over half a century for so many pawmarks and hoofprints across my heart, but I certainly don't otherwise recognize the passage of so much time. Dang, where did it all go? Towards loving I guess, which really isn't a bad thing when you look at it that way.
So no, nothing too out of the ordinary for me, unless you want to take this as some sort of allegory of how things can just sneak up on us if we are not vigilant or some other deeper meaning. Maybe it is, but if you'll excuse me, Oliver is back for more cuddles, and I have no desire to do anything but to respond with pets and cuddles of my own.
Interpret that however you want.
Monday, June 12, 2023
Wednesday, June 7, 2023
For My Sweet Baby Bee
I havent picked up this blog in nearly 6 years, so there is a lot that has not been said, but I want to get to that later.
Instead I want to begin by going back, because there is one post in particular I feel needs to be out there now more than ever. While this is being shared for everyone, there is one young woman I am aiming this to specifically, though truly there are so many wonderful women in my life that I hope will take a moment to watch, listen and to remember its message when the world tries to make them feel less than they truly are.
The world has never been more toxic to each other, but moreso to women specifically, and my heart breaks when I think how those I love are in the path of the same slings and arrows that devestated me when I was struggling myself for so long. But then who am I kidding, because even I need reminding of this from time to time when the world grows so loud it threatens to drown out the still quiet voice that speaks calmness and healing to my soul.
So I hope you take a moment to watch, and even if you find yourself not a believer in the Creator of us all, I hope you will apply it to whatever higher power you do look to, even if that higher power is just yourself. And above all, please remember to cherish yourself even when it seems like no one else does.
Instead I want to begin by going back, because there is one post in particular I feel needs to be out there now more than ever. While this is being shared for everyone, there is one young woman I am aiming this to specifically, though truly there are so many wonderful women in my life that I hope will take a moment to watch, listen and to remember its message when the world tries to make them feel less than they truly are.
The world has never been more toxic to each other, but moreso to women specifically, and my heart breaks when I think how those I love are in the path of the same slings and arrows that devestated me when I was struggling myself for so long. But then who am I kidding, because even I need reminding of this from time to time when the world grows so loud it threatens to drown out the still quiet voice that speaks calmness and healing to my soul.
So I hope you take a moment to watch, and even if you find yourself not a believer in the Creator of us all, I hope you will apply it to whatever higher power you do look to, even if that higher power is just yourself. And above all, please remember to cherish yourself even when it seems like no one else does.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Sentry Duty
Wow, its been 7 months since my last post, and today brings a new level of difficulty in writing: The Cat.
Oliver has loved having me home and has since proclaimed himself as my personal support cat. Any time I sit, lie down or stop for a moment, there he is. He gets up with me and follows me around, waiting patiently until I have done my task (glass of water, bathroom break, etc) and then follows me again to whatever destination I go next in the apartment.
I sit and promptly find a cat curled up on chest and shoulder; happy to remain, either looking out the window or quietly snoozing until I get up once again.
The only time he hands me off is when I shower...at that point Samson, our orange tabby, sits on the bathroom counter and waits patiently while I get clean. Once I am dressed, here comes Oliver, following quietly until he can once again claim his sentry post across my left shoulder; always the left and never the right.
Funny, because I wasn't the one who sent him there. I've tried shifting him to the right (for a light guy, my inflamed shoulder nerves can only take so much). He'll accept the relocation...for about 15 minutes or so. I'll look down and somehow he has slowly crept back to that left shoulder or slipped down to be draped across my chest, like a furry scarf that has been wound around my neck too loosely.
Where in this is the difficulty, you ask? Well, my computer has been moved next to the couch in the living room, as it is too painful to sit at my desk. The difficulty comes in that my right hand is currently holding my keyboard up, while being propped on a feline rump for support, while I type one-handed, trying not to jostle the cat who is, at the moment, using it as his pillow. How is this possible? Easy...my right hand tilts the keyboard so my fingers can stretch out to reach the farthest keys when needed. This is what you do when you allow the household critters to wind you around their little furry paws.
So it means that while I will be posting regularly again, some posts may be shorter than others...it all depends on the cat.
Looks like my little furry guardian has deemed today to be a short one!
I sit and promptly find a cat curled up on chest and shoulder; happy to remain, either looking out the window or quietly snoozing until I get up once again.
The only time he hands me off is when I shower...at that point Samson, our orange tabby, sits on the bathroom counter and waits patiently while I get clean. Once I am dressed, here comes Oliver, following quietly until he can once again claim his sentry post across my left shoulder; always the left and never the right.
Funny, because I wasn't the one who sent him there. I've tried shifting him to the right (for a light guy, my inflamed shoulder nerves can only take so much). He'll accept the relocation...for about 15 minutes or so. I'll look down and somehow he has slowly crept back to that left shoulder or slipped down to be draped across my chest, like a furry scarf that has been wound around my neck too loosely.
Where in this is the difficulty, you ask? Well, my computer has been moved next to the couch in the living room, as it is too painful to sit at my desk. The difficulty comes in that my right hand is currently holding my keyboard up, while being propped on a feline rump for support, while I type one-handed, trying not to jostle the cat who is, at the moment, using it as his pillow. How is this possible? Easy...my right hand tilts the keyboard so my fingers can stretch out to reach the farthest keys when needed. This is what you do when you allow the household critters to wind you around their little furry paws.
So it means that while I will be posting regularly again, some posts may be shorter than others...it all depends on the cat.
Looks like my little furry guardian has deemed today to be a short one!
Friday, May 20, 2016
Downsizing.....
Originally I posted this to my DISH support group and had a lot of positive feedback on it. I figure if I am opening up on my health issues (ie: my daily life) that I might as well toss this one out to the rest of the universe as well. Just
as an FYI...its clean, but not necessarily appropriate for everyone
as I (humorously) discuss a real problem I am facing with being a
plus size gal with DISH.
Here
is one of the oddly humorous curves DISH has thrown at me:
I
realized this morning that with as much image posting I do from my
small phone, that I should probably clear some photos out of my
standard folder, as I wouldn't want to post them by accident and be
met with villagers wielding pitchforks and burning torches claiming I
am a menace to society and all that is holy in the world.
Let
me explain:
My
surgeon and I are waiting to hear if insurance will approve a breast
reduction to ease my back and neck pain. Having been amply endowed
since puberty, this struggle has been going on for over 3 decades
now. "The girls" (as they call themselves) merely laugh in
the face of weight loss and refuse to budge by so much as an inch;
zoning regulations be damned. Being the darn little (uh...not so
little) squatters that they are, they refuse to listen to reason, so
I am now forced to consider drastic measures.
In
preparation, my surgeon asked what I felt would be a reasonable
setting on the va-va-va-voom yardstick (my measuring reference, not
his!) I had no real frame of reference on what “normal” sizes
equated to in terms of spacial volume, so I said, “C”, and then
felt I needed to tack on a hurried disclaimer of, “it doesn't
matter how they turn out so long as they are smaller that what I deal
with now, you know. I don't care what direction they point or shape
or anything...please just make them smaller.”
My
surgeon laughed along with me, noting that, yes, as size C is a good
7 or 8 letters down the scale from where I currently reside (not
counting those tricky twin or triplicate sizing course corrections),
it would be just fine as my final destination. However, as I left his
office I began to wonder... were C's going to be too big?
So
I started researching before and after shots, and even saved a few on
my phone with the reasoning that I would point them out to my surgeon
like some freaky show and tell: “see Doc, her original set is
similar to mine and see what she was able to get...can I have those
too?”
Heaven
help me if someone finds them, as I am really a clean-cut girl,
though it probably wouldn't be hard to explain since all of the
before shots are marked up with surgical “cut here” dotted lines,
x's and arrows, making these poor victims of "excess coverage"
look like impromptu chalkboards recording lines of scrimmage for the
home team's next big play!
Of
course I can't be so forward as to walk up to a gal and simply ask
for her cup size; “Where did you get those earrings?” no problem.
“Love the haircut, mind if I snap a shot to show my hairdresser?”
easy as pie. “Can I ask you what your breast size is, 'cause I want
those?” sorry....nope. I'd either wind up with a slap to the face,
which I don't need (but then, everything hurts anyway), or a
speculative glance and maybe someone's phone number, which really
doesn't fit my style either.
Which
leaves me with my current situation...googling (googling, not
ogling...thankfully, there is a difference) breasts online; hoping no
one sees my little stash and start thinking I have a problem.....
Which
I do....
Curse
you DISH!
Where it all stands
I guess I should break down just where my health stands, shouldn't I? After all, my last two posts must seem a bit cryptic without clarification.
First, a little background....
I've had back and neck pain since my teens (hello big boobs, but more on them later). I've had problems with my feet since my mid-twenties, but I pegged that to weight. I've thrown up daily since I was 17 and had my stomach stapled (which does no favors to your teeth and esophagus); had issues with rupturing (painfully, I might add) ovarian cysts since my teens as well, and added tendonitis of my shoulders/arms in my thirties. Just for kicks my body decided to give me severe knee inflammation three years ago, just in time for our move across several state lines.
In other words, life, for me anyway, has been all about pain and how best to work around it and ignore it when possible. Seriously...ever since I was a kid (as far back as I can remember, which is preschool days kids!) I was getting grief on being heavy and needing to not eat as much, which is sad because I've seen pictures of myself as a kid and while I wasn't a willowy stick, I wasn't fat (not at first anyway...depression and self-loathing took care of that eventually though). Physical pain followed pretty hard on the heels of puberty.
Last year I decided to do a few things about it, and that's when things went a little sideways...
I finally hit an age where doctors and insurance agreed that a hysterectomy was the right course of treatment to not only deal with my cyst issue, but because I was also higher risk of uterine cancer due to my abnormal bleeding over the years (oh, did I fail to mention that one earlier? I guess its because I had an outpatient procedure a few years earlier that literally scraped my ill-functioning uterus clean and then cauterized that sucker into submission....no more periods period. Seriously, the best decision I ever made in my life!) Take THAT you dysfunctional mess...who says you get to decide to give me massive periods of non-stop bleeding for months at a time???? Anemia and iron deficiency take a hike!
So I had high hopes for the hysterectomy nipping my rupturing cysts in the bud (seriously, these were not fun...the day before my wedding to Richard I was in the ER insisting the doctors just give me some painkillers to get me through "my day" rather than opting for the surgery they recommended...my honeymoon found me curled up in a ball, crying in agony...soooooo not attractive).
You know what? The surgery worked, and the long scar left behind was totally worth it too. I have a teeny nub of my left ovary left to help ease me into menopause gently, but everything else is gone baby...and the cyst issues went with them (big sigh of relief). I was crazy enough though to be taking calls from work the day of my surgery (before and after) and then working from home during my "recovery time" fielding calls and billing online from a networked laptop. That's where some of the stupidity started...I should have actually rested instead of rushing back into work when I wasn't ready to, but that's just my personality type of being such a "people pleaser" regardless of the cost.
I had been vomiting daily for decades, but it was getting more out of control. In the past there would be a few days in a row where I couldn't even keep water down, but it was usually only a couple times a year... it stepped up to every couple weeks, so I had some testing done and my doctors and I made the decision to reverse my gastric stapling. It hadn't really done me much good anyway over the years...I was still heavyset, but for decades I had trouble eating fruits and vegetables unless they were highly processed, so my Vitamin D levels were in the toilet (literally...sorry, unintended puke joke!)
I had an outpatient procedure to stretch my stomach opening as a temporary reprieve until the surgery could be approved and fit into my surgeon's schedule, and then had the reversal done in October. I'd love to say I woke up and began enjoying life again, but I actually had complications and was in the hospital for a week. I went home, had more complications and had another outpatient procedure to correct the issue.
Which means I pretty much lived on liquids and heavily blended foods for October, November and much of December (blech). I had a very slow comeback from there...so much fatigue that I have no recollection of many of those days. I'd just sit and stare blankly at the wall; too tired to read or even use a remote control. Yikes! I had never felt so helpless in my life (at least, I felt that at the times I'd sort of snap out of it and starting thinking again). Still, I'm happy I had it done...that first crisp apple was divine and don't get me started on how I felt on eating fresh pineapple! Raw fruits and vegetables are now a part of my life, as well as rice, and I am finally getting my D levels up (of course, being able to take and keep down vitamins as well as my prescribed medications really helps).
I had other doctors trying to work out my back, neck and shoulder issues until finally everyone found answers they could all agree with: Fibromyalgia, Tendonitis and, instead of the arthritis they expected to find, I have instead an issue called Forstiers (also known as DISH). It isn't so much a degeneration, but rather an excessive calcification problem where bone spurs occur and the vertebrae are slowly covered with flows of calcium similar to melted candle wax. This condition will eventually fuse the spine, but that isn't the painful part...what hurts is the tendons in the body calcify as well. I have chronic inflammation throughout my body (thank you Fibro) and get flareups of pain (that's the DISH talking) where moving is absolute agony; it hurts to stay in one position for more than 20-30 minutes at a time (road trips that I once loved are now rather painful, but sometimes you don't get a choice on that, especially when your specialist is a 4-hour round trip). Even writing this post is hurting me...my arms are feeling the burn and my back is aching from sitting in this chair, but I love to write, so I'll gladly pay for it later.
Pathetic, isn't it?
My hands get tired and start shaking...and they've become real wimps too. I can't hold even a paperback for long before they start cramping and trembling, and forget being able to use my camera (okay, that part gets me angry...I miss my camera).
I'm doing physical therapy though to try and strengthen some stuff up (hands, back, shoulder). I am determined to get the strength back in my hands and arms so I can take photos...even if its from the passenger seat of the car (oh yeah, the fatigue and weakness also wipe me out unexpectedly at times and I have difficulty walking any sort of distance), Good news is that I have a handicap parking pass now and access to store motorized scooters, so there's a confidence booster!) (Okay, I'll be honest...as embarrassing as it is to be a somewhat young (I'm not yet 50...damn that sounds old when you think of it though) fat girl in a scooter, it is fun to zip down the aisles...what great obstacle courses some stores turn out to be!)
At least I don't feel like a mindless slug like I was while recovering from the last surgery...blessings there! I do tend to be awake most of the night, and therefore have the habit of taking multiple cat naps throughout my day, but since I am not working right now that hasn't been a deal-breaker for me. I'm still in pain, forget stuff a lot and can't bend properly, but I am working to adapt myself to a new routine, new hobbies and new ways of getting things done.
Now back to the boobs....I have decided on (and am waiting on insurance to approve) breast reduction, as my doctor's agree it will help with the back/shoulder/neck issues. It won't fix everything, but any pain relief and reduction of tension will be welcome. Oh, and it should help me be able to breathe properly...my saturation levels like to dance around the "needs oxygen" line. Fingers crossed!
In the meantime I try not to wallow in the "woe is me" aspect and try to take a more positive approach (laughter really is great medicine sometimes).
With the help of my doctors and an attorney, I am waiting to hear if they will qualify me for disability. I've tried going back into the workforce, but my reduced capacity apparently makes me undesirable for employment (and, in case you missed it earlier, it really hurts too).
Not working does, however. allow me time to deal with my health and how best to manage it. Sadly, "rest and heal" seems to be a big part of it when I have flare-ups.
I am pretty sick of being cooped up in the house (I have issues navigating the stairs to our second floor apartment, so I don't wander out unless I need to) but I have spoken with my landlord about letting us know when something becomes available on ground level. It may not happen immediately as we just went through a renewal process through the complex, but she says she can guarantee me something by next summer at the latest. I am not looking forward to all the work that packing and moving (even if its just downstairs) will bring, but in the long run it will be a blessing, so I'll have to deal with it.
Once that hurdle is dealt with, then I will be able to get out much more often, but, for now, I try and find a reason to force myself to go out once or twice a week...even if its a short drive with Richard to the store. I feel more confident with him behind the wheel right now anyway, because turning my head too far to one side or the other to check my blind spots is very painful, and extending my arms to hold the wheel for extended periods of time irritates the tendons of my arms. Well, that and I never know when my energy levels will crap out.
Yup, my health is a big time pain-in-the-butt right now...but its a work-in-progress. We've all seen construction sites...bits and pieces of the old, broken down bits tossed in a pile and support beams and safety netting tacked up while the reconstruction is underway...that's me right now. I've tossed out the malfunctioning reproductive tract, removed the stomach bypass to get traffic moving again, and now we're hoping to lose some over-the-top ornamentation that is threatening to cause the entire structure to collapse.
It may not be pretty to look at now, and we're still revising the blueprints as we come across new issues, but I am certain that, in the long run, my doctors and I can turn this runaway disaster into something more functional, more productive and more durable than what it is now.
Bring out the hard hats gang!
First, a little background....
I've had back and neck pain since my teens (hello big boobs, but more on them later). I've had problems with my feet since my mid-twenties, but I pegged that to weight. I've thrown up daily since I was 17 and had my stomach stapled (which does no favors to your teeth and esophagus); had issues with rupturing (painfully, I might add) ovarian cysts since my teens as well, and added tendonitis of my shoulders/arms in my thirties. Just for kicks my body decided to give me severe knee inflammation three years ago, just in time for our move across several state lines.
In other words, life, for me anyway, has been all about pain and how best to work around it and ignore it when possible. Seriously...ever since I was a kid (as far back as I can remember, which is preschool days kids!) I was getting grief on being heavy and needing to not eat as much, which is sad because I've seen pictures of myself as a kid and while I wasn't a willowy stick, I wasn't fat (not at first anyway...depression and self-loathing took care of that eventually though). Physical pain followed pretty hard on the heels of puberty.
 |
| Me, 9 years of age. Man I'd love to be "that fat" again! |
Last year I decided to do a few things about it, and that's when things went a little sideways...
I finally hit an age where doctors and insurance agreed that a hysterectomy was the right course of treatment to not only deal with my cyst issue, but because I was also higher risk of uterine cancer due to my abnormal bleeding over the years (oh, did I fail to mention that one earlier? I guess its because I had an outpatient procedure a few years earlier that literally scraped my ill-functioning uterus clean and then cauterized that sucker into submission....no more periods period. Seriously, the best decision I ever made in my life!) Take THAT you dysfunctional mess...who says you get to decide to give me massive periods of non-stop bleeding for months at a time???? Anemia and iron deficiency take a hike!
So I had high hopes for the hysterectomy nipping my rupturing cysts in the bud (seriously, these were not fun...the day before my wedding to Richard I was in the ER insisting the doctors just give me some painkillers to get me through "my day" rather than opting for the surgery they recommended...my honeymoon found me curled up in a ball, crying in agony...soooooo not attractive).
You know what? The surgery worked, and the long scar left behind was totally worth it too. I have a teeny nub of my left ovary left to help ease me into menopause gently, but everything else is gone baby...and the cyst issues went with them (big sigh of relief). I was crazy enough though to be taking calls from work the day of my surgery (before and after) and then working from home during my "recovery time" fielding calls and billing online from a networked laptop. That's where some of the stupidity started...I should have actually rested instead of rushing back into work when I wasn't ready to, but that's just my personality type of being such a "people pleaser" regardless of the cost.
I had been vomiting daily for decades, but it was getting more out of control. In the past there would be a few days in a row where I couldn't even keep water down, but it was usually only a couple times a year... it stepped up to every couple weeks, so I had some testing done and my doctors and I made the decision to reverse my gastric stapling. It hadn't really done me much good anyway over the years...I was still heavyset, but for decades I had trouble eating fruits and vegetables unless they were highly processed, so my Vitamin D levels were in the toilet (literally...sorry, unintended puke joke!)
I had an outpatient procedure to stretch my stomach opening as a temporary reprieve until the surgery could be approved and fit into my surgeon's schedule, and then had the reversal done in October. I'd love to say I woke up and began enjoying life again, but I actually had complications and was in the hospital for a week. I went home, had more complications and had another outpatient procedure to correct the issue.
Which means I pretty much lived on liquids and heavily blended foods for October, November and much of December (blech). I had a very slow comeback from there...so much fatigue that I have no recollection of many of those days. I'd just sit and stare blankly at the wall; too tired to read or even use a remote control. Yikes! I had never felt so helpless in my life (at least, I felt that at the times I'd sort of snap out of it and starting thinking again). Still, I'm happy I had it done...that first crisp apple was divine and don't get me started on how I felt on eating fresh pineapple! Raw fruits and vegetables are now a part of my life, as well as rice, and I am finally getting my D levels up (of course, being able to take and keep down vitamins as well as my prescribed medications really helps).
I had other doctors trying to work out my back, neck and shoulder issues until finally everyone found answers they could all agree with: Fibromyalgia, Tendonitis and, instead of the arthritis they expected to find, I have instead an issue called Forstiers (also known as DISH). It isn't so much a degeneration, but rather an excessive calcification problem where bone spurs occur and the vertebrae are slowly covered with flows of calcium similar to melted candle wax. This condition will eventually fuse the spine, but that isn't the painful part...what hurts is the tendons in the body calcify as well. I have chronic inflammation throughout my body (thank you Fibro) and get flareups of pain (that's the DISH talking) where moving is absolute agony; it hurts to stay in one position for more than 20-30 minutes at a time (road trips that I once loved are now rather painful, but sometimes you don't get a choice on that, especially when your specialist is a 4-hour round trip). Even writing this post is hurting me...my arms are feeling the burn and my back is aching from sitting in this chair, but I love to write, so I'll gladly pay for it later.
Pathetic, isn't it?
My hands get tired and start shaking...and they've become real wimps too. I can't hold even a paperback for long before they start cramping and trembling, and forget being able to use my camera (okay, that part gets me angry...I miss my camera).
I'm doing physical therapy though to try and strengthen some stuff up (hands, back, shoulder). I am determined to get the strength back in my hands and arms so I can take photos...even if its from the passenger seat of the car (oh yeah, the fatigue and weakness also wipe me out unexpectedly at times and I have difficulty walking any sort of distance), Good news is that I have a handicap parking pass now and access to store motorized scooters, so there's a confidence booster!) (Okay, I'll be honest...as embarrassing as it is to be a somewhat young (I'm not yet 50...damn that sounds old when you think of it though) fat girl in a scooter, it is fun to zip down the aisles...what great obstacle courses some stores turn out to be!)
At least I don't feel like a mindless slug like I was while recovering from the last surgery...blessings there! I do tend to be awake most of the night, and therefore have the habit of taking multiple cat naps throughout my day, but since I am not working right now that hasn't been a deal-breaker for me. I'm still in pain, forget stuff a lot and can't bend properly, but I am working to adapt myself to a new routine, new hobbies and new ways of getting things done.
Now back to the boobs....I have decided on (and am waiting on insurance to approve) breast reduction, as my doctor's agree it will help with the back/shoulder/neck issues. It won't fix everything, but any pain relief and reduction of tension will be welcome. Oh, and it should help me be able to breathe properly...my saturation levels like to dance around the "needs oxygen" line. Fingers crossed!
In the meantime I try not to wallow in the "woe is me" aspect and try to take a more positive approach (laughter really is great medicine sometimes).
With the help of my doctors and an attorney, I am waiting to hear if they will qualify me for disability. I've tried going back into the workforce, but my reduced capacity apparently makes me undesirable for employment (and, in case you missed it earlier, it really hurts too).
Not working does, however. allow me time to deal with my health and how best to manage it. Sadly, "rest and heal" seems to be a big part of it when I have flare-ups.
I am pretty sick of being cooped up in the house (I have issues navigating the stairs to our second floor apartment, so I don't wander out unless I need to) but I have spoken with my landlord about letting us know when something becomes available on ground level. It may not happen immediately as we just went through a renewal process through the complex, but she says she can guarantee me something by next summer at the latest. I am not looking forward to all the work that packing and moving (even if its just downstairs) will bring, but in the long run it will be a blessing, so I'll have to deal with it.
Once that hurdle is dealt with, then I will be able to get out much more often, but, for now, I try and find a reason to force myself to go out once or twice a week...even if its a short drive with Richard to the store. I feel more confident with him behind the wheel right now anyway, because turning my head too far to one side or the other to check my blind spots is very painful, and extending my arms to hold the wheel for extended periods of time irritates the tendons of my arms. Well, that and I never know when my energy levels will crap out.
Yup, my health is a big time pain-in-the-butt right now...but its a work-in-progress. We've all seen construction sites...bits and pieces of the old, broken down bits tossed in a pile and support beams and safety netting tacked up while the reconstruction is underway...that's me right now. I've tossed out the malfunctioning reproductive tract, removed the stomach bypass to get traffic moving again, and now we're hoping to lose some over-the-top ornamentation that is threatening to cause the entire structure to collapse.
It may not be pretty to look at now, and we're still revising the blueprints as we come across new issues, but I am certain that, in the long run, my doctors and I can turn this runaway disaster into something more functional, more productive and more durable than what it is now.
Bring out the hard hats gang!
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
The downside to being up....
Hey all...this is an older post that's been sitting in my draft folder since January 2015...thought I'd go ahead and share as it is something I feel strongly about.
I came across an informative and interesting look at Bi-Polar Disorder today... something that I, too, suffer from. Luckily I am on the low-end scale of the disorder, but I recognize a lot of my own behavior patterns in these people.
Scary.
Why do I share this? Because I feel that it is better for people to know what to look for, and to understand what it is that we deal with on a very daily basis.
I remember having a friend, years ago, who used to joke about needing her "Shawna Fix"; like I was some drug of choice, and I being so angry and resentful every time she would say it. All it said to me was that she preferred me in my more manic, entertaining mode... like I was a performing monkey for her entertainment, and I was left with a feeling that a balance was not desired, because someone a little more even-keeled would not be nearly as fun to be around.
I am no longer in such a toxic relationship, thankfully, but I notice I am far more elaborate and peppy when I am around other people... its when I am alone and safe in the comfort of my home that I am able to collapse back into periods of blank flatness, and there are times that I crave this blankness that it scares me.
This is further exacerbated by the fact that I often forget to take my meds. On my meds it is easier to feel that I am really fine, that there is nothing wrong with me and I find myself forgetting them... until I find myself turning into what I call my "super bitch" mode... where anything is capable of setting me off and leave me fuming; a bomb that is not always easily defused once triggered.
Balance is hard to find, as I never seem to find the energy to try and plan a less-stressful schedule than what I currently have. I find being asked to do additional tasks frustrating, and I fly off the handle angrily at being asked to tackle the simplest of tasks on top of what I am already doing. I often burst into tears when I am alone, simply because I am so tired.
Don't get me wrong... I love the creativity, the energy, the being excited and on-fire about a new project, but it is so exhausting. I find myself just collapsing... hardly having energy to make it to the bathroom, and often don't bother feeding myself or accomplishing tasks around the house. The idea of cooking a meal just exhausts me and seems beyond my capability at times like these.
Weekends are worse, especially when nothing is planned, as I spend my time mindlessly staring at the computer... I can't even be bothered to reach for a book or some other distraction that I normally love. I spend it doing essentially nothing... a sort of buffer to unwind from a week of running non-stop. A pressure release valve that leaves me feeling worthless and like I have nothing to offer, as Monday comes all too soon and I am left looking back at a weekend wasted with nothing to show for it.
Maybe it is time to look at having my meds adjusted: at this time I am only on an anti-depressant, but maybe it is time to look at the bigger guns.It is definitely time to re-think my work schedule... 10 to 13 hour days have to stop as I am driving myself into the ground and I hate myself more the longer it goes on. I am not saying that I hate what I do for a living... honestly, its a nice job that I enjoy, but it is easily overwhelming, as I allow it to consume far too many hours.
These last couple of weekends have found me sleeping through them entirely... which terrifies my husband. Up to that point I was bringing work home with me; not taking a day off at all. There is a huge pile of work beside me now that demands I focus on it, but, as much as it needs to be done, a part of me is incredibly resentful that it sits here judging me. I know that if I don't do it today, it will be just that much more work dumped on me tomorrow, and I know my week is already going to be crazy enough without this added to it.
The load I stack on myself is also hurting others... I become so overwhelmed that I lash out if I am disturbed (for example Richard just walked into my office to see if I needed anything and all I could do was angrily glare at him for interrupting me). He apologized, recognizing "that look" and now I feel like an utter shit... all he wanted to do was to see if I was doing okay and I became super bitch (at least in my mind... wisely I kept my mouth shut) but I still hurt him needlessly.
So now I need to apologize, and all I want to do is cry because I hate being this way.
I hired a second assistant to help with the workflow, who will start as soon as I have a computer ready (which cannot happen soon enough in my opinion). We had increased our field support employees (our staff in the field has doubled since last December) but I hadn't brought in help for the increase in billing paperwork that it generated. I hope having another assistant helps, but I know that I need to speak to my doctor about other changes as well.
I need to find a way to stop the mood swings that seem to have taken over so much of my life. I need to learn to find a way to say "no" (politely , of course) to additional tasks that so easily overwhelm me, which will not be easy, because I am naturally the kind of person who wants to say "yes" and not hurt anyone's feelings.
Frankly, I am not sure why I am throwing this out into the void, but I hope that it will help me to get a better picture if I do, since I am very good at ignoring things that I do not want to deal with. Will I post this? I doubt it, as I do not like worrying others with my own trivial problems. Most likely it will sit here in my drafts box, and I will later go back to it and laugh at what a Drama Queen I was being and how overly melodramatic I can be. Of course, I will safely be back on my meds by that time, and not likely to feel connected to these feelings. Like I said, I am good at ignoring things, and forgetting the unpleasant bits of my personality is second nature to me.
But if I do post this, I wanted to add a link to the documentary I watched, as it was so very well done. I want to throw out my thanks to Mr Fry for sharing a very personal side of himself and to the many people who graciously granted interviews to discuss their own challenges with this lousy disease.
And for the record Mr Fry... I would push that button in a heartbeat.
http://www.sciencedump.com/content/stephen-fry-secret-life-manic-depressive-doc
I came across an informative and interesting look at Bi-Polar Disorder today... something that I, too, suffer from. Luckily I am on the low-end scale of the disorder, but I recognize a lot of my own behavior patterns in these people.
Scary.
Why do I share this? Because I feel that it is better for people to know what to look for, and to understand what it is that we deal with on a very daily basis.
I remember having a friend, years ago, who used to joke about needing her "Shawna Fix"; like I was some drug of choice, and I being so angry and resentful every time she would say it. All it said to me was that she preferred me in my more manic, entertaining mode... like I was a performing monkey for her entertainment, and I was left with a feeling that a balance was not desired, because someone a little more even-keeled would not be nearly as fun to be around.
I am no longer in such a toxic relationship, thankfully, but I notice I am far more elaborate and peppy when I am around other people... its when I am alone and safe in the comfort of my home that I am able to collapse back into periods of blank flatness, and there are times that I crave this blankness that it scares me.
This is further exacerbated by the fact that I often forget to take my meds. On my meds it is easier to feel that I am really fine, that there is nothing wrong with me and I find myself forgetting them... until I find myself turning into what I call my "super bitch" mode... where anything is capable of setting me off and leave me fuming; a bomb that is not always easily defused once triggered.
Balance is hard to find, as I never seem to find the energy to try and plan a less-stressful schedule than what I currently have. I find being asked to do additional tasks frustrating, and I fly off the handle angrily at being asked to tackle the simplest of tasks on top of what I am already doing. I often burst into tears when I am alone, simply because I am so tired.
Don't get me wrong... I love the creativity, the energy, the being excited and on-fire about a new project, but it is so exhausting. I find myself just collapsing... hardly having energy to make it to the bathroom, and often don't bother feeding myself or accomplishing tasks around the house. The idea of cooking a meal just exhausts me and seems beyond my capability at times like these.
Weekends are worse, especially when nothing is planned, as I spend my time mindlessly staring at the computer... I can't even be bothered to reach for a book or some other distraction that I normally love. I spend it doing essentially nothing... a sort of buffer to unwind from a week of running non-stop. A pressure release valve that leaves me feeling worthless and like I have nothing to offer, as Monday comes all too soon and I am left looking back at a weekend wasted with nothing to show for it.
Maybe it is time to look at having my meds adjusted: at this time I am only on an anti-depressant, but maybe it is time to look at the bigger guns.It is definitely time to re-think my work schedule... 10 to 13 hour days have to stop as I am driving myself into the ground and I hate myself more the longer it goes on. I am not saying that I hate what I do for a living... honestly, its a nice job that I enjoy, but it is easily overwhelming, as I allow it to consume far too many hours.
These last couple of weekends have found me sleeping through them entirely... which terrifies my husband. Up to that point I was bringing work home with me; not taking a day off at all. There is a huge pile of work beside me now that demands I focus on it, but, as much as it needs to be done, a part of me is incredibly resentful that it sits here judging me. I know that if I don't do it today, it will be just that much more work dumped on me tomorrow, and I know my week is already going to be crazy enough without this added to it.
The load I stack on myself is also hurting others... I become so overwhelmed that I lash out if I am disturbed (for example Richard just walked into my office to see if I needed anything and all I could do was angrily glare at him for interrupting me). He apologized, recognizing "that look" and now I feel like an utter shit... all he wanted to do was to see if I was doing okay and I became super bitch (at least in my mind... wisely I kept my mouth shut) but I still hurt him needlessly.
So now I need to apologize, and all I want to do is cry because I hate being this way.
I hired a second assistant to help with the workflow, who will start as soon as I have a computer ready (which cannot happen soon enough in my opinion). We had increased our field support employees (our staff in the field has doubled since last December) but I hadn't brought in help for the increase in billing paperwork that it generated. I hope having another assistant helps, but I know that I need to speak to my doctor about other changes as well.
I need to find a way to stop the mood swings that seem to have taken over so much of my life. I need to learn to find a way to say "no" (politely , of course) to additional tasks that so easily overwhelm me, which will not be easy, because I am naturally the kind of person who wants to say "yes" and not hurt anyone's feelings.
Frankly, I am not sure why I am throwing this out into the void, but I hope that it will help me to get a better picture if I do, since I am very good at ignoring things that I do not want to deal with. Will I post this? I doubt it, as I do not like worrying others with my own trivial problems. Most likely it will sit here in my drafts box, and I will later go back to it and laugh at what a Drama Queen I was being and how overly melodramatic I can be. Of course, I will safely be back on my meds by that time, and not likely to feel connected to these feelings. Like I said, I am good at ignoring things, and forgetting the unpleasant bits of my personality is second nature to me.
But if I do post this, I wanted to add a link to the documentary I watched, as it was so very well done. I want to throw out my thanks to Mr Fry for sharing a very personal side of himself and to the many people who graciously granted interviews to discuss their own challenges with this lousy disease.
And for the record Mr Fry... I would push that button in a heartbeat.
http://www.sciencedump.com/content/stephen-fry-secret-life-manic-depressive-doc
Letting go
It's been ages since I've even thought of blogging...for which I humbly apologize. There are all sorts of excuses I could make, but I really guess it all boils down to life and priorities getting all twisted and tangled into an unfathomable mess, which really happens to all of us from time-to-time, doesn't it? For once life has left me with time on my hands, and a desire to start writing...what better way to slip into things than by dusting off my blogs and diving in?
Today finds me relatively well, in spite of my health issues...which I shall cover in later posts. This afternoon Richard promises to help me get my office into some sort of order (i.e.: clear a path through my accumulated papers, supplies and books so I can get to both desks). I've taken on the mindset that we have far too much stuff that cluttering the place up...in a small apartment this means my office looks like an episode of Hoarders, though, thankfully, without the dead cats or feline-related urine stains (no urine of any kind for that matter).
Why the need to downsize? Well, being home 24/7 and having this junk stare me in the face is stressful..in the past I could escape by going to work and coming home in time to eat and head straight to bed, but I no longer have that option. Wanting to grab the cats and just walk away from it all is not a healthy condition to find myself in and is not normal!
I have noticed a familial trend to be pack rats and I no longer want a part of it. Case in point: I got Richard to rearrange the bedroom furniture; since the addition of my recliner (yes, I sleep in a recliner now) the room was completely crowded. It was hard to negotiate while clean, let alone with junk on the floor. Every time I allowed myself to think of it I got anxious, then angry, and then downright mean because I felt like I was suffocating in a pile of unneeded crap.
Heck, just thinking about it is making me upset!
The bedroom is still not done, but it feels much more open and I noticed the more that was done the less pissy I was feeling. It's very slow-going because we have accumulated a lot of stuff and, I admit it's hard to let some of it go. That, and my current health doesn't allow me to do much without bringing on a lot of pain, but it NEEDS to be done.
I don't think stress will go away once we have decluttered our lives, but it WILL reduce something that's become a stress-trigger for me, which is good, and having less junk around for me to trip over or fall against is good now that I'm more prone to fractures.
I know, I know....sooooooo not an interesting post. I'll try and do better with the next one....once I find my desk!
Today finds me relatively well, in spite of my health issues...which I shall cover in later posts. This afternoon Richard promises to help me get my office into some sort of order (i.e.: clear a path through my accumulated papers, supplies and books so I can get to both desks). I've taken on the mindset that we have far too much stuff that cluttering the place up...in a small apartment this means my office looks like an episode of Hoarders, though, thankfully, without the dead cats or feline-related urine stains (no urine of any kind for that matter).
Why the need to downsize? Well, being home 24/7 and having this junk stare me in the face is stressful..in the past I could escape by going to work and coming home in time to eat and head straight to bed, but I no longer have that option. Wanting to grab the cats and just walk away from it all is not a healthy condition to find myself in and is not normal!
I have noticed a familial trend to be pack rats and I no longer want a part of it. Case in point: I got Richard to rearrange the bedroom furniture; since the addition of my recliner (yes, I sleep in a recliner now) the room was completely crowded. It was hard to negotiate while clean, let alone with junk on the floor. Every time I allowed myself to think of it I got anxious, then angry, and then downright mean because I felt like I was suffocating in a pile of unneeded crap.
Heck, just thinking about it is making me upset!
The bedroom is still not done, but it feels much more open and I noticed the more that was done the less pissy I was feeling. It's very slow-going because we have accumulated a lot of stuff and, I admit it's hard to let some of it go. That, and my current health doesn't allow me to do much without bringing on a lot of pain, but it NEEDS to be done.
I don't think stress will go away once we have decluttered our lives, but it WILL reduce something that's become a stress-trigger for me, which is good, and having less junk around for me to trip over or fall against is good now that I'm more prone to fractures.
I know, I know....sooooooo not an interesting post. I'll try and do better with the next one....once I find my desk!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....
.... except for in the house.
You see, I decided on a new theme a little late this year; I bought some sweet ornaments online... and am now waiting for them to arrive.
But all is not lost... I realized I never got around to posting the pics from last year. So, instead of spending tonight playing Christmas songs, decorating a tree and finally having somewhere to place presents already purchased, I decided to share images from last year's adorable tree with all of you.
This will (one hopes) tide me over for the next week or so until my new ornaments arrive and I can get decorating for this season. Don't worry, I promise I will get the new images up as soon as possible, and not make you wait a year after the fact to see the results.
I hope you enjoy our "Winter Wonderland"... it was actually just tossed together from random ornaments I had on hand. It wasn't until I was about halfway done that I realized I did have a theme going on... and a cute one at that!
I had thought to just do the tree again this year, but once the Muse of Inspiration strikes you just have to act on it! In the meantime... enjoy!
Sunday, October 12, 2014
From the iPod - Uplift
I was directed to a couple of new songs this week from my dear friend Mindy. These two songs have been heavily played since they were added to my iPod. I thought maybe you might enjoy them as well.
David Archuleta "Glorious" from the "Meet the Mormons" soundtrack. I LOVE this song... the message is so uplifting and the music swells and just carries you along with it. There is a free download of the song available here that is totally worth taking advantage of.
I love Tenth Avenue North, but I stopped paying attention to new music coming out these last couple of years, so I missed finding out they had a new album last year. While the song is beautiful and powerful on its own, the video really brings the message home.
Thanks Mindy for sharing such wonderful music with me!
David Archuleta "Glorious" from the "Meet the Mormons" soundtrack. I LOVE this song... the message is so uplifting and the music swells and just carries you along with it. There is a free download of the song available here that is totally worth taking advantage of.
I love Tenth Avenue North, but I stopped paying attention to new music coming out these last couple of years, so I missed finding out they had a new album last year. While the song is beautiful and powerful on its own, the video really brings the message home.
Thanks Mindy for sharing such wonderful music with me!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
From the iPod - Break So Easy
New song in heavy rotation on my iPod. Hope you enjoy!
And in the windows are silhouettes of husbands and wives
Watching in silence till the evening arrives
And there all around insects scream in the trees
The promise of rain can be heard on the breeze
Late in the summer children run without clothes
Chill of the winter not far down the road
Chill of the winter not far down the road
And in the windows are silhouettes of husbands and wives
Watching in silence till the evening arrives
And there all around insects scream in the trees
The promise of rain can be heard on the breeze
Oh Lord,Oh lord we break so easy
Oh Lord,Oh lord we shatter like glass
Oh Lord,Oh lord we shatter like glass
The headlights glow and the sky will soon be black
The freeway riders are rolling, heading back
Heading back home
The freeway riders are rolling, heading back
Heading back home
A dark haired woman is driving the roads
Breathing deeply she don't mind being alone
Breathing deeply she don't mind being alone
I spend my nights in the reservoir
Saying prayers for the passing cars
Saying prayers for the passing cars
Friday, May 2, 2014
Life is still good, in spite of it all..... a health update
Wow, time flies when you are busy, doesn't it?
It seems like my life hasn't stopped for breath since I took over as office manager here at work last December. Days are good, but certainly filled with not only ordering, sending out bills and paying them, payroll, phones, the slow progression of getting the office cleaned up and looking nice, and the hardest job of all, keeping track of my local handyman who has a tendency to slip off when you aren't looking! I was glad when the boss agreed I could hire an assistant (ie: Miya!) She is learning the ropes as she goes, but has certainly taken a load off of my shoulders so I can focus on the more important aspects of the job.
Lucie, Miya and I started a beginners yoga class last month, and I have been LOVING IT, except for every time I have to get on my knees. For those who aren't in the know, before we moved back to Washington my knees were beginning to bother me. Lots of inflammation, pain to the touch below the kneecap, hobbling around sometimes like an old lady.... really not fun.
I even bought a thicker yoga mat to help offset the pain in class, which helped at first even though I was miles slower than anyone else in getting down to the floor and hauling my butt back up off of it afterwards. Sadly, this last week's session was, literally, hell. I had to modify stuff and couldn't do any lunges or what I call our "knee poses". I had decided the day before that enough was enough and had scheduled an appointment with my doctor to see if a shot in the knees would help, as I assumed it was just a case of big-girl arthritis setting in.
Good thing too.
Wednesday I went in and, after the initial exam was told I'd need x-rays so the doctor could see what was going on.. Unfortunately, the clinic's x-ray machine wasn't lining up properly so I did my shuffle over to the adjoining hospital (thank goodness for small town hospitals that aren't miles and miles long!) where I posed for a really nice radiologist. She laughed at my jokes about capturing my "good side" as I posed for her images, which lightened the mood a lot and made it fun. Then it was a hobble back over the doctor's office to look at what was sent.
I must say, I have GORGEOUS knees.... oh yeah, oh yeah. I'd show them to you, but I didn't think to ask for a pdf until after I left. Besides, I can't show you because its my naked skeleton and I don't do nudies! But I have no problem showing you someone else's kneecap as a reference, so here it is (hey, they put it online for anyone to see!):
Isn't it lovely and ethereal? Seriously, I really do want to ask my doctor for a copy of my knee shot the next time I am in so I can frame it. Yes, I know, I am odd... deal with it.
Turns out I do have mild arthritis (its called age kids!) and I still have plenty of space between my bones, so the shot was out. Its patellar tendinitis, which doesn't really surprise me, since I have tendinitis in several other parts of my body. I usually always have inflammation somewhere, so I tend to take ibuprofen a lot.
Well, the doc has put me on a steroid pill for 5 days to help kick it down, and prescribed an expensive anti-inflammatory cream to rub on the legs... honestly, even a partial relief of pain would be worth the cost (insurance wouldn't cover it, but I am willing to pay a bit out of pocket in order to nip this in the bud and get my body back on track). I also bought two Ace bandages to wrap under the kneecap to help support the tendon and you wouldn't believe how much THAT little maneuver has helped to alleviate my pain. Wish I would have thought of that one sooner!
My doctor, as thrilled as she was that I was doing yoga, has put me on a restriction right now... nothing on the knees, no lunges.... nothing that will irritate my condition. I had to beg to be allowed to go to class and do the bits that I COULD handle, especially once I told her there was only 3 more classes left to this session. Thank goodness the instructor is offering the class again in the fall so I can go through it again once I have this issue under control.
I have also been warned away from stairs, which I am doing to the best of my ability, but I had to admit to her that I live on the second level of our apartment complex. Richard has been a dear though ever since my knees started bothering me by doing multiple trips up the stairs to bring in groceries so I don't have to go up and down carrying stuff in (really, I wound up with one of the sweetest guys ever!) Luckily there are only a couple of steps here in the office.
I have two sessions of physical therapy scheduled and then a follow-up with the doctor in 3 weeks, which makes me even happier that Miya is doing as well as she is so I know that the office is being left in good hands while I am running around getting all this done!
I did get a phone call from the doc later Wednesday afternoon though.... of course her first words were "I don't want you to panic". Uh, okay. It turns out there is a shadow on the x-ray for my right knee (the worst of the two) so she wants to get me scheduled for a contrast MRI. It may be nothing, but there may be a mass... odds are if there is something its benign (thank goodness cancer doesn't run in my genetic line). Heck, I have ovarian cysts all the time and those are benign and harmless (except when they rupture.. ouch!) so I see nothing to get worked up over.
No, I am not scared, nor really worried about it. I guess some people must freak out at this point because Sue repeated the "don't panic/don't be alarmed/don't be scared" mantra numerous times during the call. I see no reason to worry until we know there is something to worry about.... and after that what's the point of worrying when you need to focus on rectifying the situation? We'll see what they have to say in a few weeks time and then address the issue once we know where we stand.
I guess I should thank Obamacare. This would really be expensive if I didn't have some sort of insurance coverage....it doesn't make me like the rest of his "work" in the White House, but I really do appreciate the insurance coverage since I can't get coverage on my own.
So what am I doing in the meantime? Well, there is a local Renaissance Fair in town that opens after yoga tomorrow (and the Farmers Market is opening this weekend!) so I plan to have a little fun, and then go home and clean my house.... you know, typical Saturday stuff. And, if I am lucky, I can rope Richard into helping to clear up my crafting office.
You know, since I can't handle any of the heavy lifting and all.... well, I can, but no one tell him that! ;D
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.... my love to you all.
It seems like my life hasn't stopped for breath since I took over as office manager here at work last December. Days are good, but certainly filled with not only ordering, sending out bills and paying them, payroll, phones, the slow progression of getting the office cleaned up and looking nice, and the hardest job of all, keeping track of my local handyman who has a tendency to slip off when you aren't looking! I was glad when the boss agreed I could hire an assistant (ie: Miya!) She is learning the ropes as she goes, but has certainly taken a load off of my shoulders so I can focus on the more important aspects of the job.
Lucie, Miya and I started a beginners yoga class last month, and I have been LOVING IT, except for every time I have to get on my knees. For those who aren't in the know, before we moved back to Washington my knees were beginning to bother me. Lots of inflammation, pain to the touch below the kneecap, hobbling around sometimes like an old lady.... really not fun.
I even bought a thicker yoga mat to help offset the pain in class, which helped at first even though I was miles slower than anyone else in getting down to the floor and hauling my butt back up off of it afterwards. Sadly, this last week's session was, literally, hell. I had to modify stuff and couldn't do any lunges or what I call our "knee poses". I had decided the day before that enough was enough and had scheduled an appointment with my doctor to see if a shot in the knees would help, as I assumed it was just a case of big-girl arthritis setting in.
Good thing too.
Wednesday I went in and, after the initial exam was told I'd need x-rays so the doctor could see what was going on.. Unfortunately, the clinic's x-ray machine wasn't lining up properly so I did my shuffle over to the adjoining hospital (thank goodness for small town hospitals that aren't miles and miles long!) where I posed for a really nice radiologist. She laughed at my jokes about capturing my "good side" as I posed for her images, which lightened the mood a lot and made it fun. Then it was a hobble back over the doctor's office to look at what was sent.
I must say, I have GORGEOUS knees.... oh yeah, oh yeah. I'd show them to you, but I didn't think to ask for a pdf until after I left. Besides, I can't show you because its my naked skeleton and I don't do nudies! But I have no problem showing you someone else's kneecap as a reference, so here it is (hey, they put it online for anyone to see!):
Isn't it lovely and ethereal? Seriously, I really do want to ask my doctor for a copy of my knee shot the next time I am in so I can frame it. Yes, I know, I am odd... deal with it.
Turns out I do have mild arthritis (its called age kids!) and I still have plenty of space between my bones, so the shot was out. Its patellar tendinitis, which doesn't really surprise me, since I have tendinitis in several other parts of my body. I usually always have inflammation somewhere, so I tend to take ibuprofen a lot.
Well, the doc has put me on a steroid pill for 5 days to help kick it down, and prescribed an expensive anti-inflammatory cream to rub on the legs... honestly, even a partial relief of pain would be worth the cost (insurance wouldn't cover it, but I am willing to pay a bit out of pocket in order to nip this in the bud and get my body back on track). I also bought two Ace bandages to wrap under the kneecap to help support the tendon and you wouldn't believe how much THAT little maneuver has helped to alleviate my pain. Wish I would have thought of that one sooner!
My doctor, as thrilled as she was that I was doing yoga, has put me on a restriction right now... nothing on the knees, no lunges.... nothing that will irritate my condition. I had to beg to be allowed to go to class and do the bits that I COULD handle, especially once I told her there was only 3 more classes left to this session. Thank goodness the instructor is offering the class again in the fall so I can go through it again once I have this issue under control.
I have also been warned away from stairs, which I am doing to the best of my ability, but I had to admit to her that I live on the second level of our apartment complex. Richard has been a dear though ever since my knees started bothering me by doing multiple trips up the stairs to bring in groceries so I don't have to go up and down carrying stuff in (really, I wound up with one of the sweetest guys ever!) Luckily there are only a couple of steps here in the office.
I have two sessions of physical therapy scheduled and then a follow-up with the doctor in 3 weeks, which makes me even happier that Miya is doing as well as she is so I know that the office is being left in good hands while I am running around getting all this done!
I did get a phone call from the doc later Wednesday afternoon though.... of course her first words were "I don't want you to panic". Uh, okay. It turns out there is a shadow on the x-ray for my right knee (the worst of the two) so she wants to get me scheduled for a contrast MRI. It may be nothing, but there may be a mass... odds are if there is something its benign (thank goodness cancer doesn't run in my genetic line). Heck, I have ovarian cysts all the time and those are benign and harmless (except when they rupture.. ouch!) so I see nothing to get worked up over.
No, I am not scared, nor really worried about it. I guess some people must freak out at this point because Sue repeated the "don't panic/don't be alarmed/don't be scared" mantra numerous times during the call. I see no reason to worry until we know there is something to worry about.... and after that what's the point of worrying when you need to focus on rectifying the situation? We'll see what they have to say in a few weeks time and then address the issue once we know where we stand.
I guess I should thank Obamacare. This would really be expensive if I didn't have some sort of insurance coverage....it doesn't make me like the rest of his "work" in the White House, but I really do appreciate the insurance coverage since I can't get coverage on my own.
So what am I doing in the meantime? Well, there is a local Renaissance Fair in town that opens after yoga tomorrow (and the Farmers Market is opening this weekend!) so I plan to have a little fun, and then go home and clean my house.... you know, typical Saturday stuff. And, if I am lucky, I can rope Richard into helping to clear up my crafting office.
You know, since I can't handle any of the heavy lifting and all.... well, I can, but no one tell him that! ;D
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.... my love to you all.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
From the iPod... The Devlins
Wow, time flies, doesn't it? I've been meaning to post here for awhile now, but I thought I would first do a "from the iPod" post for two reasons.
1. Its a fast way to get a post out there that still means something, and will tide you over until I can gather the thoughts in my head for a more intensive post.
2. I love music and love finding new things to listen to and share with others. In this case however , its the sharing of a band that I have loved for years.
The Devlins hit the mainstream back in 1993 with the album "Drift" and opened for Sarah McLachlan on her "Building a Mystery" tour. I caught the show in Seattle and loved what I heard so much that I bought the CD the next morning. As great of a performer as Sarah is, The Devlins stole the show that night.
Despite great reviews in Rolling Stone, it was a long 4 years until their next album, "Waiting" was released due to the band being cut from their label. In order to convince the label Netwerk to sign the band, Sarah used the album as prelude music on the first Lillith Fair tour. While it was great to hear the new album, it was hard to wait for what seemed likes ages to finally get my hands on it.
It took 5 years before "Consent" would be released in 2002, followed by "Waves" in 2004. 2009 saw the lead singer, Colin Devlin, release a solo album that was well worth the wait. The band still performs both together and with Colin's solo concerts, and I just learned that a new album by the band is scheduled to come out later this year... happy days!
So here is a couple of songs from each of their albums... I hope that you like it. Oh, and if you are only going to give one song a chance, drop to the bottom of the list and listen to "Emelia"...
"Almost Made You Smile (live)" from the album "Drift".
"Someone To Talk To" from the album "Drift"
"Alone in the Dark" from the album "Drift"
"Waiting" from the album "Waiting"
"Years Could Go By" from the album "Waiting"
"Static in the Flow" from the album "Consent"
"There is a Light" from the album "Consent"
"Don't Let It Break Your Heart" from the album "Waves"
"Waves" from the album "Waves"
"The Heart Won't Be Denied" Colin Devlin, from the solo album "Democracy of One"
"Emelia" Colin Devlin, from the solo album "Democracy of One"
1. Its a fast way to get a post out there that still means something, and will tide you over until I can gather the thoughts in my head for a more intensive post.
2. I love music and love finding new things to listen to and share with others. In this case however , its the sharing of a band that I have loved for years.
The Devlins hit the mainstream back in 1993 with the album "Drift" and opened for Sarah McLachlan on her "Building a Mystery" tour. I caught the show in Seattle and loved what I heard so much that I bought the CD the next morning. As great of a performer as Sarah is, The Devlins stole the show that night.
Despite great reviews in Rolling Stone, it was a long 4 years until their next album, "Waiting" was released due to the band being cut from their label. In order to convince the label Netwerk to sign the band, Sarah used the album as prelude music on the first Lillith Fair tour. While it was great to hear the new album, it was hard to wait for what seemed likes ages to finally get my hands on it.
It took 5 years before "Consent" would be released in 2002, followed by "Waves" in 2004. 2009 saw the lead singer, Colin Devlin, release a solo album that was well worth the wait. The band still performs both together and with Colin's solo concerts, and I just learned that a new album by the band is scheduled to come out later this year... happy days!
So here is a couple of songs from each of their albums... I hope that you like it. Oh, and if you are only going to give one song a chance, drop to the bottom of the list and listen to "Emelia"...
"Almost Made You Smile (live)" from the album "Drift".
"Someone To Talk To" from the album "Drift"
"Alone in the Dark" from the album "Drift"
"Waiting" from the album "Waiting"
"Years Could Go By" from the album "Waiting"
"Static in the Flow" from the album "Consent"
"There is a Light" from the album "Consent"
"Don't Let It Break Your Heart" from the album "Waves"
"Waves" from the album "Waves"
"The Heart Won't Be Denied" Colin Devlin, from the solo album "Democracy of One"
"Emelia" Colin Devlin, from the solo album "Democracy of One"
Friday, November 8, 2013
From the iPod - Jars of Clay
I haven't done a "from the iPod" post for awhile, so please forgive me if this one is a bit excessive in content. Jars of Clay have been around for years now, first hitting mainstream and christian radio with "Flood" back in 1995. Since then they have put out a fair share of albums, have songs on 4 soundtracks to-date, and are still going strong. Yes, they are a religious bunch of boys, but the majority of their songs are simply good music that don't leave you thumping your Bible and shouting your praises to the heavens after listening. Frankly, I am not a fan of the christian music scene, but these guys just charmed their way in and never really walked back out..... here's hoping that you enjoy them too.
"Fall Asleep" (from their latest album, "Inland" c. 2013)
"Two Hands" (from the album, "The Long Fall Back to Earth" c. 2009)
"Portrait Of An Apology" (from the album "Much Afraid" c. 1997)
"Worlds Apart" (from the self titled debut album, c. 1995)
"Sunny Days" (from "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Lonely People" (from "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003 - this is a great cover of the song by America)
"Disappear" (from the album "The Eleventh Hour" c. 2002)
"Frail" (from the album "Much Afraid" c. 1997)
"Show You Love" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Amazing Grace" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"River Constantine" (from the album "If I Left The Zoo" c. 1999)
"God Will Lift Up Your Head" (from the album "Redemption Songs" c. 2005)
"Work" (from the album "Good Monsters" c. 2006
"Road to Nowhere" (not officially released. This was performed during the "Noisetrade Eastside Manor Sessions" c. 2013 - great cover of the song by Talking Heads, but it is only available online in video form unfortunately)
"Out Of My Hands" (from the album "The Shelter" c. 2010)
"Sing" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Fly" (from the album "The Eleventh Hour" c. 2002)
"Fall Asleep" (from their latest album, "Inland" c. 2013)
"Two Hands" (from the album, "The Long Fall Back to Earth" c. 2009)
"Portrait Of An Apology" (from the album "Much Afraid" c. 1997)
"Worlds Apart" (from the self titled debut album, c. 1995)
"Sunny Days" (from "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Lonely People" (from "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003 - this is a great cover of the song by America)
"Disappear" (from the album "The Eleventh Hour" c. 2002)
"Frail" (from the album "Much Afraid" c. 1997)
"Show You Love" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Amazing Grace" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"River Constantine" (from the album "If I Left The Zoo" c. 1999)
"God Will Lift Up Your Head" (from the album "Redemption Songs" c. 2005)
"Work" (from the album "Good Monsters" c. 2006
"Road to Nowhere" (not officially released. This was performed during the "Noisetrade Eastside Manor Sessions" c. 2013 - great cover of the song by Talking Heads, but it is only available online in video form unfortunately)
"Out Of My Hands" (from the album "The Shelter" c. 2010)
"Sing" (from the album "Who We Are Instead" c. 2003)
"Fly" (from the album "The Eleventh Hour" c. 2002)
Bored?
Are you sitting there bored sometimes and looking for something meaningful to do that won't put you into a sweat or even have you leaving your computer? Something that encourages you to not only do some good, but allows you to be online in order to do it? Something with no long-term commitments?
Search no more.....
The Smithsonian Institute needs people to help transcribe thousands of papers, journals and studies that have been housed in its attics for eons. Not only are you helping to preserve the history and discoveries of the past, but imagine how good that will look on your resume....
You can click on the link above to read a little more about the project, or you can simply go to Smithsonian's site directly and start browsing the projects currently in need of transcription and see what strikes your fancy. And its not as if you are taking on a complete project on your own... you work on this at your own pace and, wherever you leave off someone else will be allowed to continue.
How easy can this get? No training, in fact the only qualifications needed are that you can read and type (both of which I am certain are talents you possess if you managed to make your way here!) So make time in your lazy afternoon to be an armchair explorer and help shed some light into the forgotten past.
Search no more.....
The Smithsonian Institute needs people to help transcribe thousands of papers, journals and studies that have been housed in its attics for eons. Not only are you helping to preserve the history and discoveries of the past, but imagine how good that will look on your resume....
You can click on the link above to read a little more about the project, or you can simply go to Smithsonian's site directly and start browsing the projects currently in need of transcription and see what strikes your fancy. And its not as if you are taking on a complete project on your own... you work on this at your own pace and, wherever you leave off someone else will be allowed to continue.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Tuning in....
There is an appalling epidemic sweeping through society and, surprisingly, many do not seem to want to treat it with the concern that it deserves: those who seem to be very interested in documenting what is happening, yet completely missing what is happening around them at the same time. You see it all over the place, people in a group, and yet not connecting with the group, as they are too busy checking into their various social medias.
Heaven forbid we should spend time looking at a sunset when we can check out the tweet of someone we have never met in person who is sharing an obscure link to someone we have never even heard of who is retweeting it from some celebrity (don't even get me started on the worth of celebrity tweets and posts as it will turn into a rant of the further stupidity of society to place some sort of royal status on these people because their occupation broadcasts them onto our tv and movie screens).
I have been in these situations shown in the video above.... you are enjoying a moment when someone has to interrupt it because they are trying to capture just the right photo on their i-camera to put on their FB status. I'm sorry, are the rest of us supposed to put our evening on hold so you can post about all the fun that you are having with us right now?
So not fun.
I have no idea when we became this loud, posturing society of people who have to proclaim to all around us that HEY, WE ARE COOL AND HAVING FUN RIGHT NOW.... funny, but the louder you yell the dumber you look to me, and I have no desire to spend a single moment wishing I was a part of your little group right now.... or ever.
Not that I think moments shouldn't be captured.... heck, I am usually the one behind the camera taking shots so that others don't have to think about it, but I also set the camera aside and join in the fun. I take time to actually talk with the people about me and not excuse myself every few minutes because my phone chimes to let me know that someone in my online social circle has just posted something. Nothing says "you're just not that important to me" than another person constantly excusing themselves in order to see what was just posted instead of staying in the moment that they are in physically.
I take the time to be quiet... to disconnect... to experience what is around me. Not, oops, I have a free moment, better sign into Facebook, or Twitter or whatever social media is hopping these days.
I don't even go online every day... and certainly can't find the time to spend hours on it. On average if I sign in its to take a few moments to check my emails, hop over to Facebook to see if anyone has messaged me there (though its often just requests to join games) and to take a quick scroll down my news feed.... maybe I will read a news story or two and then I am done (unless, like this morning, I am blogging or if I need to research something). I've stopped playing my online games (though I do allow myself an occasional jigsaw puzzle because if its online then the cats can't knock the pieces off the table) as they are just a way to suck away hours of my time... time that could be better spent doing other things.
Not that I don't have my distractions... I used to be an avid movie watcher, but now I really only do that when someone is over and they want to watch something. I can easily get sucked into my crafts, but hey, at least that is productive. I super easily get sucked into books, but that's exercising my mind.... so I can forgive myself that one, especially since said book does not come along when I am hanging out with others. How rude would that be to say, "excuse me, but I need to take a moment to check in on what this character is doing" and tune out for a quick paragraph or two?
My brother used to have this thing he'd do yearly where he'd turn off everything that had an on switch (with the exception of music playing in the background of course... all adventures should come with a soundtrack don't you think?)... this would go for one week. One week of turning off the distractions and tuning into life around you. He called it an exercise in getting your life back.
Internet.... off, unless you had to look up something for homework purposes (or since this post is geared towards adults and not elementary students, turn off the internet unless you need it for a work project or to help your kids with their homework). TV... off. Social media on your phone or your Angry Birds app.... off. Regarding the music, it was for playing in the background on speakers when you are home... not piped through earbuds and blocking you off from the world around you.
Hmmmm... what to do with all of this time?
Really invest yourself in the moments around you... finding yourself bored? Well, maybe its time to find a hobby that exists somewhere other than online. Build models, for example. If you have kids, break out the Legos and Lincoln Logs and build something with them... you'll be amazed at the fun you can still have playing with Matchbox cars and zooming them around on the carpet, and your kids might just think you're that much cooler (or not... sorry, but there are no promises on that one).
Play a board game (hey, this involves other people and you just might have fun at the same time!) Try baking something and then share them with friends (cookies are fairly easy and always a big hit). Try reading a book... go to your library if you don't have a physical one on hand. With the prevalence of Nooks and Kindles these days, people should still take the time to remember the experience of an actual book in hand... one that doesn't come with a limited battery time!
Go outside.... breathe the air. If the air around you is full of smog and exhaust fumes, go outside of the city and see what nature has in store for you. Don't feel quite that adventurous then explore your local park.
Have pets? Take the dog for a walk instead of letting him get exercise running around in the back yard. Toss catnip mice for the cats to chase, or use one of those laser pointers to get them scurrying. The pets will enjoy the interaction and you just might as well.
On a drive? If its not too cold (or hot) where you are... turn down the music, roll down the window and experience your surroundings. Can you feel a breeze (if you are moving fast enough for one) or can you hear the birds singing? How about the sounds of the city around you... people talking on the streets, the sound of someone's radio as they drive by... the rat-tat-tat of construction... try to discover the rhythm of the world that you are in.
I used to spend more time online... I used to follow so many blogs that it would take, on average, an hour or two to read them all. Miss a day or two and I would find myself stuck to the computer for hours... all because I had convinced myself that somehow I owed it to these people to read each and every word they posted.
I don't feel that way anymore... if I check in on a blog its usually because its someone I know. I will occasionally check out other blogs, but my average blog check is about once a month. Yup, you heard me... and I have no problem deleting posts from my reader without glancing at it twice. In fact, my reader has been seriously winnowed down from what I used to follow and the last time I checked it I spent a good fifteen minutes trying to remember which reader I even used because I hadn't been on there in so long.
Life moves on whether I read blog posts or not... and I typically find my day to be filled enough without adding an hour of self-imposed "required reading" of adventures other people are having, when I should be busy having a life of my own.
Am I going to spend a week offline? Probably not, because I don't find myself online that much as it is. I have no problem disconnecting from the online world and having a life... but I wouldn't curl up in a ball and die if I did turn it off. I didn't write this post in order to demand that people take up a challenge or anything...
So why have I written this? Well, I suggest that we take a moment and look at our lives.
Really look.
How much time do we spend plugged in and tuned out from what is around us?
Yes, technology is a wonderful thing if used wisely... it enabled me to read a bedtime story to a nephew who lives across the country from me... but its the "used wisely" bit that I am speaking about. So much emphasis is placed on stupid things... the latest video clip that has gone global for being nothing other than a momentary laugh (and at someone else's expense usually). I do not watch them, I do not care for them... and I am fairly certain that the fate of the world will not rest upon my having seen these and correctly answering a pop quiz that will prevent us from facing total annihilation.
Are these these necessary to our lives? No, not really. Is having one more sunset in our lives going to make or break us if we choose to watch the Grammys instead? No... but I am fairly certain that the sunset will give you a greater satisfaction in the long run... after all, I remember some truly glorious sunsets, but I still appreciate every new one that comes my way as well. Not that I watch the Grammys, but I can hardly remember the last episode of a TV show I watched a week ago, let alone a single MOMENT from the Grammys, and I am pretty sure I caught quite a bit of it here and there over the course of my life.
There are so many moments in life that we miss when we spend them plugged in. Moments that may not be earth-shattering, but that are definitely worth taking the time for.
Birds soaring overhead... listening to the laughter of children (I love that one)... truly spending time with a person that you love... taking the time to sit down and write or draw or create something with your own two hands (or one hand, or foot... use what you have people).
Reclaim a moment of your childhood and become an explorer again... even if its just taking a different street on your way to work and see what you find.
Connect with someone... really connect. Invite them over for dinner, or go out if you can't cook. Better yet, find someone who knows how to cook and ask them if they would mind coming over and teaching you how to fix something.
Make more real-life friends... ones whose shoulders you can physically cry on when needed, but be prepared as they may need your shoulders as well.
Trust me, as nice as online friendships can be, they will never replace someone who cares patting you on the back and telling you that things will work out.
If nothing else believe me when I tell you this: real life always wins... even when its sad and messy and not going the way you want, but it is something that you have to work at. The rewards, however, make it all worth the while.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. - Hilary Cooper
Heaven forbid we should spend time looking at a sunset when we can check out the tweet of someone we have never met in person who is sharing an obscure link to someone we have never even heard of who is retweeting it from some celebrity (don't even get me started on the worth of celebrity tweets and posts as it will turn into a rant of the further stupidity of society to place some sort of royal status on these people because their occupation broadcasts them onto our tv and movie screens).
I have been in these situations shown in the video above.... you are enjoying a moment when someone has to interrupt it because they are trying to capture just the right photo on their i-camera to put on their FB status. I'm sorry, are the rest of us supposed to put our evening on hold so you can post about all the fun that you are having with us right now?
So not fun.
I have no idea when we became this loud, posturing society of people who have to proclaim to all around us that HEY, WE ARE COOL AND HAVING FUN RIGHT NOW.... funny, but the louder you yell the dumber you look to me, and I have no desire to spend a single moment wishing I was a part of your little group right now.... or ever.
Not that I think moments shouldn't be captured.... heck, I am usually the one behind the camera taking shots so that others don't have to think about it, but I also set the camera aside and join in the fun. I take time to actually talk with the people about me and not excuse myself every few minutes because my phone chimes to let me know that someone in my online social circle has just posted something. Nothing says "you're just not that important to me" than another person constantly excusing themselves in order to see what was just posted instead of staying in the moment that they are in physically.
I take the time to be quiet... to disconnect... to experience what is around me. Not, oops, I have a free moment, better sign into Facebook, or Twitter or whatever social media is hopping these days.
I don't even go online every day... and certainly can't find the time to spend hours on it. On average if I sign in its to take a few moments to check my emails, hop over to Facebook to see if anyone has messaged me there (though its often just requests to join games) and to take a quick scroll down my news feed.... maybe I will read a news story or two and then I am done (unless, like this morning, I am blogging or if I need to research something). I've stopped playing my online games (though I do allow myself an occasional jigsaw puzzle because if its online then the cats can't knock the pieces off the table) as they are just a way to suck away hours of my time... time that could be better spent doing other things.
Not that I don't have my distractions... I used to be an avid movie watcher, but now I really only do that when someone is over and they want to watch something. I can easily get sucked into my crafts, but hey, at least that is productive. I super easily get sucked into books, but that's exercising my mind.... so I can forgive myself that one, especially since said book does not come along when I am hanging out with others. How rude would that be to say, "excuse me, but I need to take a moment to check in on what this character is doing" and tune out for a quick paragraph or two?
My brother used to have this thing he'd do yearly where he'd turn off everything that had an on switch (with the exception of music playing in the background of course... all adventures should come with a soundtrack don't you think?)... this would go for one week. One week of turning off the distractions and tuning into life around you. He called it an exercise in getting your life back.
Internet.... off, unless you had to look up something for homework purposes (or since this post is geared towards adults and not elementary students, turn off the internet unless you need it for a work project or to help your kids with their homework). TV... off. Social media on your phone or your Angry Birds app.... off. Regarding the music, it was for playing in the background on speakers when you are home... not piped through earbuds and blocking you off from the world around you.
Hmmmm... what to do with all of this time?
Really invest yourself in the moments around you... finding yourself bored? Well, maybe its time to find a hobby that exists somewhere other than online. Build models, for example. If you have kids, break out the Legos and Lincoln Logs and build something with them... you'll be amazed at the fun you can still have playing with Matchbox cars and zooming them around on the carpet, and your kids might just think you're that much cooler (or not... sorry, but there are no promises on that one).
Play a board game (hey, this involves other people and you just might have fun at the same time!) Try baking something and then share them with friends (cookies are fairly easy and always a big hit). Try reading a book... go to your library if you don't have a physical one on hand. With the prevalence of Nooks and Kindles these days, people should still take the time to remember the experience of an actual book in hand... one that doesn't come with a limited battery time!
Go outside.... breathe the air. If the air around you is full of smog and exhaust fumes, go outside of the city and see what nature has in store for you. Don't feel quite that adventurous then explore your local park.
Have pets? Take the dog for a walk instead of letting him get exercise running around in the back yard. Toss catnip mice for the cats to chase, or use one of those laser pointers to get them scurrying. The pets will enjoy the interaction and you just might as well.
On a drive? If its not too cold (or hot) where you are... turn down the music, roll down the window and experience your surroundings. Can you feel a breeze (if you are moving fast enough for one) or can you hear the birds singing? How about the sounds of the city around you... people talking on the streets, the sound of someone's radio as they drive by... the rat-tat-tat of construction... try to discover the rhythm of the world that you are in.
I used to spend more time online... I used to follow so many blogs that it would take, on average, an hour or two to read them all. Miss a day or two and I would find myself stuck to the computer for hours... all because I had convinced myself that somehow I owed it to these people to read each and every word they posted.
I don't feel that way anymore... if I check in on a blog its usually because its someone I know. I will occasionally check out other blogs, but my average blog check is about once a month. Yup, you heard me... and I have no problem deleting posts from my reader without glancing at it twice. In fact, my reader has been seriously winnowed down from what I used to follow and the last time I checked it I spent a good fifteen minutes trying to remember which reader I even used because I hadn't been on there in so long.
Life moves on whether I read blog posts or not... and I typically find my day to be filled enough without adding an hour of self-imposed "required reading" of adventures other people are having, when I should be busy having a life of my own.
Am I going to spend a week offline? Probably not, because I don't find myself online that much as it is. I have no problem disconnecting from the online world and having a life... but I wouldn't curl up in a ball and die if I did turn it off. I didn't write this post in order to demand that people take up a challenge or anything...
So why have I written this? Well, I suggest that we take a moment and look at our lives.
Really look.
How much time do we spend plugged in and tuned out from what is around us?
Yes, technology is a wonderful thing if used wisely... it enabled me to read a bedtime story to a nephew who lives across the country from me... but its the "used wisely" bit that I am speaking about. So much emphasis is placed on stupid things... the latest video clip that has gone global for being nothing other than a momentary laugh (and at someone else's expense usually). I do not watch them, I do not care for them... and I am fairly certain that the fate of the world will not rest upon my having seen these and correctly answering a pop quiz that will prevent us from facing total annihilation.
Are these these necessary to our lives? No, not really. Is having one more sunset in our lives going to make or break us if we choose to watch the Grammys instead? No... but I am fairly certain that the sunset will give you a greater satisfaction in the long run... after all, I remember some truly glorious sunsets, but I still appreciate every new one that comes my way as well. Not that I watch the Grammys, but I can hardly remember the last episode of a TV show I watched a week ago, let alone a single MOMENT from the Grammys, and I am pretty sure I caught quite a bit of it here and there over the course of my life.
There are so many moments in life that we miss when we spend them plugged in. Moments that may not be earth-shattering, but that are definitely worth taking the time for.
Birds soaring overhead... listening to the laughter of children (I love that one)... truly spending time with a person that you love... taking the time to sit down and write or draw or create something with your own two hands (or one hand, or foot... use what you have people).
Reclaim a moment of your childhood and become an explorer again... even if its just taking a different street on your way to work and see what you find.
Connect with someone... really connect. Invite them over for dinner, or go out if you can't cook. Better yet, find someone who knows how to cook and ask them if they would mind coming over and teaching you how to fix something.
Make more real-life friends... ones whose shoulders you can physically cry on when needed, but be prepared as they may need your shoulders as well.
Trust me, as nice as online friendships can be, they will never replace someone who cares patting you on the back and telling you that things will work out.
If nothing else believe me when I tell you this: real life always wins... even when its sad and messy and not going the way you want, but it is something that you have to work at. The rewards, however, make it all worth the while.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. - Hilary Cooper
Sunday, October 13, 2013
What an inspiring message...
This is a must-watch for all women, and it wouldn't hurt a few men to watch this as well...
Take this message with you, and share it with other women who may need it in their own lives. We are all of a worth that is beyond measure.
WATCH.... and remember.
Take this message with you, and share it with other women who may need it in their own lives. We are all of a worth that is beyond measure.
WATCH.... and remember.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Me and the Rat
I have an aversion to rodents. Not jump-up-on-the-chairs-holding-my-skirts-and-shrieking drama, but, while they are cute, I just don't care to hold or cuddle the little things.
Flash back to me, age 5 or 6. We had rabbits in hutches. I have not confirmed this with either parent, so this is childhood memories we're going on here, but I do seem to remember that there were a series of rabbit cages in our tiny shed-like garage, with bunnies in each. Bunnies that my brother Jason and I would feed... mom would give us carrots or celery or lettuce and we would scamper out to the garage and feed our "pets".
The rabbit I considered mine (sadly its name has been lost in the sands of time) was always happy for a treat and would hop over to nibble whatever tidbit that was given to her. I loved watching her little nose quivering and, one day, I couldn't resist and stuck my finger in the cage to stroke it.
As you can guess, she mistook pudgy little-girl finger for a carrot and bit me. It was not much later the rabbits all "went down the road" as we say in my family. Some of them my dad butchered for food, and the others a man with a truck full of rabbit hutches came by and picked up. So much for "pets".... these bunnies had been raised as a food supply (I only state this so no one thinks my being bitten had anything to do with it.)
Ever since the biting incident rodents and I have walked separate paths.
Until this week.
I took my youngest sister to a local pet store so she could return a fish tank sealant that she no longer needed. On our way there she told me about this cute rat she had seen in the shop the week prior and about how it didn't bite, but licked people and gave the sweetest of "little nibbles".
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
We arrived at the shop and while she was busy with her return I located the rat in question. He was cute, in a beady-eyed sort of way, and he was certainly affectionate. He kept hanging from the wire-mesh cover of his cage where he could stick a nose out and beg for someone to pick him up.
Against my better judgement, I lowered a finger. Sure enough, licks and nibbles.... and no bite.
My sister came over, followed by "Barnacle" Bill, the owner of the shop. Bill reached down, opened the cage, pulled out this bundle of rat and set it in my sister's hands. Promptly the rat scurried up into her hair where it seemed perfectly happy to stay (not that I blame it, my sister's hair is currently a glorious shade of Autumn Fire that I could never pull off). He then started climbing back and forth from one shoulder to another, acting as if he was the happiest little rat on the planet.
I stroked its soft baby fur and thought to myself, "okay, maybe not all rats are bad". After all, my other sister had kept rats in the past, so how bad could it be?
Lets zip ahead an hour and change the scene to my sister's house. Brisby, as the rat has now been named, is now climbing on my shoulders and snuffling in my hair, when all of the sudden there comes this.... smell.
"Ugh", I said, handing the rat over. "I think it peed on me." Funny though, I couldn't feel any wetness, but boy did I stink.
I couldn't wait to get home... in fact, I would swear the smell was getting stronger with each passing moment.
I got home, stripped off everything I was wearing and went to jump in the shower when something fell out of my hair and hit the floor.
Please be a piece of lint, I thought.
Oh no, the fates were not that kind.
I HAD CARRIED A RATTY POO BALL HOME WITH ME IN MY HAIR.
EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
And with that I took the hottest shower I have taken in years. My hair was shampooed several times, and there was not an inch of me that was not scrubbed and scrubbed again with my mesh loofah. Even after my shower I still felt gross, even though I was certainly clean.
And thus ends my short truce with all things rodent...
I think I need another shower.
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