Wednesday, April 2, 2008

And the idiot of the year award goes to.....

Me!?!? Again???? No, guys should let someone else have a chance at this one! I'm just stunned....I want to thank my brain for not being up to speed and realizing what a mess it was getting me into--my courage, for not being up there where it should be so that I could be manipulated like that YET AGAIN...and last, but not least, my mouth for opening up, saying "Sure" instead of the "Heck No!" it really needed to say.

Need clarification? I am an idiot. Enough said. Nothing more to say, right? Wrong. I am suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch an idiot, and need a backbone and to be a little more firm with my convictions and "gut-feeling". I do not pick up hitchhikers on the side of the road. After all, you're driving along at a fairly good clip and if I don't stop then I don't have to feel pressured into giving someone a lift when in today's society that just isn't safe. Its another story altogether when I am approached and they start talking to me.

Case in point: about a month ago a gal walked by as I was getting out of my car. She looked nice and like she was out for her morning exercise and she stopped and asked if I was new in the area and then introduced herself. Thinking I am making nice with the neighbors I chatted with her for a couple of minutes thinking, hmmmmmmmmmm, she seems nice when she paused and asked if I would give her a ride to Center Street (about 9 blocks away). I hesitated a moment and then agreed, she hopped in and we were off. For the next nine blocks she proceeded to tell me everything bad in her life and how she was a recovering Meth addict, how she had no friends except her old drug buddies, that she stayed in her home all of the time and would I please be her friend. I'm sitting there trying to be polite but inwards I'm thinking "cripes, never pick anyone up AGAIN!!!!"

Cue to last night. I am tired, I worked late and just wanted to go home. I turn to pull into my driveway and this older guy is standing there trying to flag me down. Sadly, since I didn't notice him until I was in the driveway there was no way I could pull back out without being obvious about it and he's thinking I pulled over for him. He leans into my window and asks for help buying him a beer.

I said no. He asks why. I told him I wasn't going to give a stranger money for alcohol. He shook his head at me and then wheedled me into giving him a ride 5 blocks down the street to the gas station and dropping him off. Ugh. I admit I finally gave in (not my finer moment) just to get him to shut up and leave me alone. He gets into the car and the smell of alcohol just rolls off of him....ewwwwwwwww......he then spends the next 5 blocks proving he's unable to form complete sentences except the one where he chastises me for picking up a stranger! We get to the gas station and he looks at me and says "now you're gonna be here when I get back out, right?" I look at him, remind him he said he only wanted a ride here and that I was to "drop him off" and he shakes his dang head again and says "no, I wanted you to drop me back off where you picked me up". He then sits in my car for another couple of minutes, incoherently making statements about church and Joseph Smith and gold in them thar hills (we were facing Mt. Timp) and I am starting to realize just how drunk this guy really is. Crap. He wanders in and I call my roommate on my cell....where it promptly rolled into her voicemail. I left a message stating where I was and that if I wasn't home in 5 minutes to start looking for me.

Drunk gets back in car and we start heading back to my place. He rolls down the window to yell something in Spanish at the top of his lungs to a couple of drunk hispanic guys on the side of the road and they laugh and yell something back....goodness only knows what....before we pull up to my place. I start pulling into the driveway and he yells "what are you doing?" I stopped the car and pointed out that this is where I had picked him up and he shakes that head again and says "I live just around the corner....I meant for you to take me there".

By this time I am getting definately peeved off but back out of the driveway and drive this guy around the block and stop where he points. He opens the door, mumbles about having to give someone their change and then I will take him to his place. By this point he's already stated several times that he isn't into fat chicks (among other such "gems" that I will treasure always) but now he looks me up and down (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and says "maybe you ain't so fat after all". He gets out of the car after making me promise to wait for him and walks up to the house. By this time Annie has called me back...she had immediately hopped into her car and had driven to the gas station looking for me and was now on her way back. She pulled up behind me and insisted she was going to follow me to wherever I took this guy (bless you Annie!)

Cue to drunk getting back in my car, directing me to his place (after looking me up and down a couple more times) and then sitting in my car making comments about his alcoholic problem, his temple married mom just loving me if I could get her son on the right track and hey, would I please come in and just pretend to be his girlfriend? I should probably mention that he'd already asked me out a couple of times in the car but I kept insisting I had a boyfriend (he promptly wanted to know if that guy was fat too!) I was polite but insistant that no, I would not be coming in, that I had to go now and for him not to forget his beer.

He laughed, went to give me a hug but I pulled back enough that he settled for a squeeze of my arm and a boob graze before getting out of the car. Leaning back in he mentioned again about how I could be his savior etc etc before throwing the kicker out....he said if I ever saw him walking again he expected me to pick him up. He said he was probably not going to remember who the f*#k I was and so I was to tell him I was the fat b*&@h who wouldn't be his girlfriend. (seriously!) ugh. Do I know how to pick them or what? Not to mention all the above-mentioned pearls of wisdom slash random thoughts just pouring out of this guy, but there were the couple of rude comments (not about my weight....I could have cared less about that) but there were a few sexually directed comments and then he'd pout when I'd politely remind him I had a boyfriend (not attractive at ANY age kids!)and insist that he had a job and lots of things going for him.

I felt so dirty driving home....

Thank goodness the smell cleared out of my car overnight, but I had bad dreams about pervs looking in my window....

I know, I know....never again!