Went for a drive yesterday after work and wound up at that old barn I love in Hoggle Creek Canyon. This time the snows had melted and I was able to walk all around that lovely old building and took about a hundred shots from varying viewpoints. I have no idea why that old thing appeals to me so much but I love spending time out there. Luckily Jolley Ranch (no fam relation) is open to the public because I think I would definately go trespassing to go see it. For some reason it calms me...can't explain it, but its definately a place of quiet for me when my nerves get tight.
Decided to drive further up the canyon since the road was now open (for about another 6 miles, then its still closed because of snow). Made several stops along the way and not only drained 2 camera batteries but filled 2 memory cards--a 512 mb and the new 1 gb! Played with macros and I think I finally have the hang of getting what I want in focus rather than the backdrop. Took about a million shots, and a lot of them were good and some were amazing.
Spent time in nature (try 3 hours!) until it was nearly dark...enjoying the wind in the trees and watching the creek rush past. It was sheer heaven. I'm happy I went, and that I went alone. Its hard sometimes coming from the country where you don't have neighbors to go to where no matter where you go or what you do there's someone there. Lately the neighbors have been drinking late and they will be screaming obscenities outside my window at 2 and 3 in the morning. Its days like those I get the closest to really hating humanity and just dying for a few moments alone...for a few moments of peace. Just me and the wind and the trees.
I don't give myself enough moments like that. It seems there is always someone wanting a piece of me. Do you ever feel like there aren't any pieces left for yourself? That you feel guilty for being a hermit in your room one day because you need to be alone for awhile? I am a fairly low-key person and sometimes I feel starved for privacy down here. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends here in Utah, but sometimes I find myself becoming extremely agitated at people. Maybe I am overly sensitive but sometimes people push too much, get too clingy and I find myself being overwhelmed and then angry. I wish I was strong enough to lay out boundaries but I don't like to hurt people. Its even worse when I make hints (or just come outright and say it) and I am not taken seriously. Like its a joke.
I am looking forward to going home for a few days...I know that I will be surrounded by family and that it will be a rushed and short visit, but I need a vacation right now. I know, I know, I went to Disneyland....but I wasn't alone. Hello, I went to DISNEYLAND...one of the most visited and crowded places you can go to. Not exactly a place where you can forget there is a rest of the world out there. I want to go home....even if it isn't the home I grew up in and even if it will only be for a few hours.
Strange blog...didn't say anything I'd planned to but oh well....maybe tomorrow I'll do better.