Saturday, May 10, 2008

Out for a ride....

Went for a drive yesterday after work and wound up at that old barn I love in Hoggle Creek Canyon. This time the snows had melted and I was able to walk all around that lovely old building and took about a hundred shots from varying viewpoints. I have no idea why that old thing appeals to me so much but I love spending time out there. Luckily Jolley Ranch (no fam relation) is open to the public because I think I would definately go trespassing to go see it. For some reason it calms me...can't explain it, but its definately a place of quiet for me when my nerves get tight.

Decided to drive further up the canyon since the road was now open (for about another 6 miles, then its still closed because of snow). Made several stops along the way and not only drained 2 camera batteries but filled 2 memory cards--a 512 mb and the new 1 gb! Played with macros and I think I finally have the hang of getting what I want in focus rather than the backdrop. Took about a million shots, and a lot of them were good and some were amazing.

Spent time in nature (try 3 hours!) until it was nearly dark...enjoying the wind in the trees and watching the creek rush past. It was sheer heaven. I'm happy I went, and that I went alone. Its hard sometimes coming from the country where you don't have neighbors to go to where no matter where you go or what you do there's someone there. Lately the neighbors have been drinking late and they will be screaming obscenities outside my window at 2 and 3 in the morning. Its days like those I get the closest to really hating humanity and just dying for a few moments alone...for a few moments of peace. Just me and the wind and the trees.

I don't give myself enough moments like that. It seems there is always someone wanting a piece of me. Do you ever feel like there aren't any pieces left for yourself? That you feel guilty for being a hermit in your room one day because you need to be alone for awhile? I am a fairly low-key person and sometimes I feel starved for privacy down here. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends here in Utah, but sometimes I find myself becoming extremely agitated at people. Maybe I am overly sensitive but sometimes people push too much, get too clingy and I find myself being overwhelmed and then angry. I wish I was strong enough to lay out boundaries but I don't like to hurt people. Its even worse when I make hints (or just come outright and say it) and I am not taken seriously. Like its a joke.

I am looking forward to going home for a few days...I know that I will be surrounded by family and that it will be a rushed and short visit, but I need a vacation right now. I know, I know, I went to Disneyland....but I wasn't alone. Hello, I went to DISNEYLAND...one of the most visited and crowded places you can go to. Not exactly a place where you can forget there is a rest of the world out there. I want to go home....even if it isn't the home I grew up in and even if it will only be for a few hours.

Strange blog...didn't say anything I'd planned to but oh well....maybe tomorrow I'll do better.

4 comments:

Kris said...

Number one, great blog. Number two,that barn you were talking about. The reason why you are drawn to it is, I think, because of the barn in the backyard of the yellow house house above Addy I mentioned before. You are in a point in your life where you are wanting some of your past back...that comes with your want to be alone.Just to sit back and think about wonderful times you have had. Which I feel I do a lot of, try that with 2 kids and one 19yr old and a husband! Don't ever feel bad for YOU time. I hope to see those pictures soon they sound great!

shoezimm said...

Kris,
I think you hit it head on. After posting I went and looked at the file with the barn images...I took 164 shots of it. I got to looking a bit and I kind of came to the same conclusion you did....it doesn't look like the barn in Addy but it reminds me of it. I think I just wish sometimes I could go to a time when things were a lot simpler, you know? Not that I hate or even dislike who and what I am now...but sometimes I want a break from making all the decisions about my own life. I want someone else to be there to plan with so the weight of it all isn't on just me.

Danielle said...

I thought the same thing mom did, kind of. When I think of the house in Addy that you grew up in, and how secluded it was and that was what you were used to, you always want that back, you know? You had plenty of room to be alone, and that's something you value still. Its cool. I think I am too reliant on being WITH people. So I envy your love of peace and quite and independence.

Miya said...

That's why Roy and I went to the coast for our vacation. There weren't any sweet carnival rides or great restaurants or clubs or anything fancy schmancy, but dangit spending some time alone with your best friend picking sand dollars off the beach with the ocean lapping at your feet has got to be the most relaxing and greatest holiday ever!

(also, I'm pretty sure you can disable anonymous comments somehow...)